All these pictures feature a dirty mirror. Sorry-not-sorry
This outfit is..almost ok. These pants were not flattering, so I cut into capris which was awesome, and lots of comfy pockets. Shirt though, is lightly too tight, it emphasizes belly, which isn't fun postpartum.
So here's my picky picky list of why I hate clothes.
Let's just start with basic overview...
If I didn't jiggle, leak, bounce, or get cold I would be nude all the time. I hate to feel my clothes. If i could have a weightless zero compression garment with appropriate easy access to nurse, use toilet, and get on and off without endless amounts of fasteners, I'd be totally in. But not so much. Either way, supportive clothing, with the exception of my bra because I hate bouncing more than feeling my clothes, is the devil. I don't like to feel squished.
Machine washable isn't a debate, it's a deal breaker.
Loose and baggy to the point where if I try to eat or walk or go up and down stairs or in and out of car and it ends up under my feet, blowing in the wind, trying to get into my plate/mouth, or catching anything in such a way that might put any even light pressure onto my entire neck area - nope. Again, I don't want to feel it, so I can't be wrestling with it.
No high necks because anything touching above my collarbones makes me want to gag. Literallly.
Sleeves can't be compression/skin tight or loose enough to blow in the wind, but can't interfere with raising my arms above my head. There's a reason I stick to mainly tank tops. Because sleeves are so easy to mess up.
Pockets
A total must. And not cute pockets. Pockets that can hold a phone without falling out. And at least two, but preferably 4-6, because I already have a diaper bag, I can't carry a purse, but some things I need on my person, and some things I am picking up after kiddo 1 or 2 has dropped them and we're trying to get out the door, or I need somewhere to put a hanky because someone's nose or mouth or hands always needs to be wiped. So...pockets.
Jeans
They're simply not comfortable. Need I say more? I mean, yeah, stretch denim, because no other option, but it's a thick material and in order to stay up some part has to be tight. So it digs in. And seams are thick. I mean, maybe if I could still find pipe style jeans from the early millennium I could get by on those, but not so much luck. Flare style are my preferred because I feel like they balance out the large butt/small ankle look of mine, but that's still tight in the thighs, and I hate HATE compression feeling clothing. But they can't be loose enough to need to continually hitch up. So, jeans are a working garment usually. Or intentionally going out to LOOK cute, but those fuckers are coming off as soon as I step into the house, just so you know. Assuming I've found any to fit my postpartum self because....
Rise
The rise on all pants has always been a super nuisance to me. I used to love low rise because I have a hilariously short torso (hence why my pregnancies caused belly to get HUGE!), and used to have a tiny waist and huge butt/hip. So anything that didn't sit right at or barely above my hip bones had a flapping problem on top - my waist and hips refused to fit into the same size. However now, I have a belly flap. And I hate it, because it jiggles when I laugh and it bounces when I move and it just needs to sit the fuck still. Low rise pants sit under it mostly, so it flaps over the top of them. That's not acceptable. High rise nearly touches my bra. Less than 2" apart typically. That's also not ok. Not only does it tend to overheat me, but it leads to the top of the pants flapping and pulling at my stomach/chest whenever I sit/stand/chase kids/move at all. And when I sit it causes a fold of skin to appear between the waistband and bra band because they're too damn close together. So mid rise? Well, maybe. Some mid rise on women's clothing sits still an inch or two above my belly button...some juniors mid rise is more like hip huggers, lol. And because the flap all sits pretty low, and my waist is starting to again be pretty small as compared to my rump, I still get some of the top part flapping issue. So...idk. It comes down to individual pairs of pants as to whether a particular rise fits. I can't just guess anymore. Ick.
Material
I need it to be stain resistant (well, at least kinda, as I wash white cloth diapers and get all the stains out, I'm a sort of guru), stretchy to accommodate yoga and chasing kids and dogs, and forgiving enough to disguise some minor lumps. Other needs: preferably doesn't magnet ALL OF THE DOG HAIR from a 3 mile radius to itself, doesn't snag too badly on broken nails, dogs, or toddler toys. Needs to tumble dry, but also look fine after being balled up in a corner for 3 weeks. Not shiny. Not see through. Thick enough that the knees won't tear out after 2 washes or my first tumble on the sidewalk. Because I fall down. Because I'm exhausted and clumsy and distracted.
Length/Climate Issues
Shorts need to not be huge and flapping, or riding up into my crotch and ass, 'nough said. Capris should hit just below the knee, because the ones that hit 3" above my ankles look funny and don't have any advantage over full length pants. Pants should just skim floor barefoot. So that when I go out in the wet with shoes, they don't get soaked, and so I don't walk on the hem and ruin them, but also not the 7/8 or ankle length pants that cause super cold ankles because I live in Illinois. I also like clothes that don't instantly go see through or lose all shape with just a little water on them (100% cotton, I'm talking to you!) I need slightly thinner stuff for the summer/late spring/early fall, and then double layer but not compression or bulky stuff for the rest of the year. I'm cool wearing a hoodie or pretty overshirt with long sleeves over a tank top in the winter though, so long as my pants are comfy, because inevitably with long warmish pants, I'll need to be in just a tank if I'm inside most people's houses because I don't like it to be 80 inside, lol.
Legging issues
Frequently they don't have pockets, and usually the rise is just wrong. If they're loose enough to be comfy they spin at the ankles and sag. If they're tight enough to stay put they are usually compression style and I can't wait to take them off. The comfy ones don't last more than a couple washes, and tend to come in obnoxious prints, and are freezing in the cold weather, oh, or transparent. So I'm sitting here wearing leg warmers because I'm freezing. No joke. Also, with the huge butt/skinny ankles they just aren't a great look for me unless I'm in a super long shirt.
Shirts
So assuming we've found something that is an okay material, the sleeves are okay, and the neckline isn't too high. That's good. But I still have more shirt problems here. First - nursing. I hate rolling the shirt up to nurse a kiddo from the bottom, because the shirt is either touching my throat or sitting on their face - no one is happy. So I need either a loose enough tank that I can pull the strap off my arm, or a low enough/stretchy enough neck I can just pull a boob out the top. Second, shirt can't be too baggy so that it's catching wind or drawers or who-knows-what. I didn't use to mind them being fitted pretty closely (not compression), but now that I have my ever so fun flap, it's hard to get it right. I don't want it to highlight my belly flap, so slightly looser is important to me. And length. Especially if I'm wearing leggings, I want it to at least skim the bottom of my butt, it makes me feel more dressed. And it can't roll up (not usually an issue now that I'm wearing them looser, but was a serious issue before that!) to my waist, or have it falling off my shoulders (remember, loose neckline), or just moving around a bunch so that I'm constantly adjusting it. I really really really don't like to have to think about my clothes. The last two considerations are mostly in regards to tank tops. 1 - arm holes need to be a reasonable size. Now that I'm wearing more like a L or XL sometimes the arm holes are trying to be slightly too big and are showing my bra. OR, current fashion is just bad an intends to have the arm holes flapping low. Not acceptable, due to the rule of not wearing two shirts. So arm holes need to be reasonable. 2 - the strap lines/back/etc needs to generally cover bra straps. I can accept that straps move out and peek, that's one thing, but another current fashion, likely due to the prevalence of the two shirt thing, is to have shirts have straps or a back that isn't even kinda the shape of bras, straps going in seriously weird directions, in wacky patterns, or a back that's pretty much fully lace or missing so that the entirety of the bra strap and/or back band is showing. No thanks.
So this doesn't leave a whole lot of clothes for me currently, because I'm apparently incurably picky and so out of trend that clothes I like aren't really made anymore.
But, here's some outfit pictures of things I've thrown together. Also, leg warmers have been importantly lately, and they also help me like leggings more - the look is more appealing to me, and my legs are cozy. They make me feel like my ankles don't look silly or make my butt look huge. They also make me feel like an amazing dancer (my first visual on leg warmers was the actors/actresses of the musical CATS, so that's what I always think of), and they make me happy. I don't even know if they're trendy right now or not, but with so many cropped pants and living in the Midwest...well, they SHOULD be trendy.
Postpartum Belly @ 5 months, relaxed
Postpartum belly @ 5 months, flexed
Same from the front, relaxed
And flexed, this shows the flap
Outfit is OK, shirt is slightly too tight on belly, but not bad. And I love that these pants aren't tapered to the ankles, so I love that, and they have pockets!
Loose fit maternity dress, it's mostly ok though, except sometimes the breasts get flashed out, and my infamous leg warmers because I have leggings underneath. But, no pockets in this outfit.
Not my favorite. Shirt slightly tighter than I like. It is too tight for leggings, but these aren't leggings. They're jogger sweats, with pockets. I wish they flared out instead of tapering with a cuff, but they're alright. They're baggy enough on top though that they don't show off my cute butt and thighs. But they also don't show off my belly or love handles, so that's nice.
This is a pretty good outfit. The shirt is good, though almost too transparent. Leggings are almost too bright. And a little tight. And no pockets. Plus leg warmers.
Nice shirt, just flowy enough, but not quite wind catching. Wish it were a hair longer, then there's the leggings/no pockets/leg warmer thing
This is that shirt again, just slightly too short and tight for these leggings. Again no pockets.
My Feb 14th, anniversary of NIU school shooting, mourning outfit. Shirt works with these pants, too short for leggings, but decent with these pants and not too tight. Pants are super cute on me plus a couple pockets. Unfortunately the waistband is maternity, so sometimes it catches SOME shirts and emphasizes that. But not all shirts.
This is a shirt that is just a hair too tight, and then leggings/no pockets/leg warmers issue
Sat all by herself for 10 minutes. Pillow was only for catching, didn't support her. What a big girl.
Show Your Rare - rare disease ribbon diaper cover from a friend. Their denim ribbon is on it for rare genetic diseases. They have Hereditary Spherocytosis - round blood cells - think opposite of Sickle Cell. Carries risk to spleens and livers and immune issues.
This so looked like "sick with stomach bug on the couch" look. She was NOT sick, but this face was too funny. These are her new super baggy pajamas to fit over her overnight cloth diapers.
This FACE!!!
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