It's all about balancing your recharging time with your stress. If you don't get enough recharging time, you don't dissipate enough stress and your require even MORE "me time." However, if you take too much time, it can just cause additional stress from neglecting other important duties in your day.
You can really only let him chew on the butt cream jar for so long...
I went into motherhood knowing that a lot of my personal time was going to be eaten up. That didn't outwardly bother me. I figured I'd have naps plus a little time after he was in bed to myself.
First - that didn't take into account that naps were hilariously short for the first 6 ish month. Also, I have to physically take care of myself/a few things in the house first before I can mentally unwind. Things like eating lunch, changing the laundry, brushing my teeth, showering, etc. I do as much as I can with him - like folding laundry or washing a couple of quick dishes. But until about 2 weeks ago I would get a 35 minute nap. I didn't get to leave the room until about 5-10 min into that time. Which left NOT enough time to get done my physical essentials, much less get any mental downtime.
I'm not sleeping mom!
Secondly - my little man is a HNB. Sometimes if I'm in the same room and he has toys or food or his water cup to play with he will give me 10 minutes to get something done. If he's tired or teething though, not so much. If I just try to power through it and do what I have to while he's fussy/crying in the other room though it all adds up to more stress. Then it takes me much more time to calm him down once I focus on him. So I have the stress of his stress adding into mine, and for even longer. I've found that if he's having a fussy day I'm best off doing the ABSOLUTE minimum I can preferably with him in a carrier. Get diapers washed, get teeth brushed, but maybe avoid my banking and such for a different day. This way, at least what I do get done gets done well, and him crying doesn't frazzle me worse.
He thinks the changing table is now the place for gymnastics...and rolls away from his diapers or kicks the new ones off while I'm trying to fasten.
Hey mom, just give me the spray bottle, OK? Or I'll scream.
So on the hard days, I have pretty much no recharging time if I keep him entertained. However, at least if I'm keeping him smiling I have some positive energy coming in. If I spend a fussy day trying to be super busy I do a terrible job at accomplishing my tasks, and I end up also more stressed due to auditory assault and feeling like a not-great mom letting him fuss by himself, so I am MORE in need of recharging and still don't have time to do it.
Seeing him covered in chocolate doesn't reduce my stress. Laughing at his huge mess did a little bit though, thanks GiGi!
I have had so many people try to offer to hang out with him in another room so I can get stuff done. But this is mentally more taxing on me because it's taxing him. So to me that's a last resort, if I had to for instance do something on the computer with a deadline and it HAD to happen right now. But putting off his feeding just for me to have "me time" rebounds in a terrible way - it's not relaxing time for me if I can hear him crying, and if I then have to spend MORE time playing or snuggling him to settle him down when I come back into the room then I haven't saved up time.
Either way, it is more profitable to my mental and emotional health to do my best to keep him in a good mood when I can. Then he'll sleep better and I have longer quieter naps, plus the downtime I have is more restful.
Sometimes I can give him to my husband and hid for a little while. Legan just LOVES his daddy. So then sometimes I mean to get away for a bit but instead just enjoy watching these two bring each other joy....and taking pictures.
Now, I'm lucky that he's awake for long enough for me to get a good workout in at the gym, plus a quick shower, and to get home and put him down for a nap at the CORRECT time instead of late. So now I can actually get some real downtime during the day for the first time in a long time. It's terribly lovely.
Tired, sweaty, and thirsty, but feeling emotionally pretty good. Physically maybe a little beat up, but that's OK
It's been imperative in my new life to just accept his naps as they are and to accept that some days I can only do the minimum in order to have a positive day with him. If I try to do more than he can handle, or try to make him nap more than he wants to that day I end up in a constant struggle with him - either a struggle of wills or a struggle of keeping him entertained enough without directly paying attention - and I regret the whole day and have added stress. I have to be chill and accept his day, be happy with him, have my fun with him, and then I'm at least giving myself some joy. Then I can wait until he's in bed and take an hour to myself. I don't need a ton of recharging time, just some.
This day his water cup was all that kept him from crying. YAY! I found him something safe to do while I did a little writing.
Granted, that means finding time for my husband is difficult too. Working out has helped immensely though - we can do it together or separate, and either way I still get some me-time out of it.
Working very hard to get my life back - the life of eating right, exercising some, and moving forward in life instead of the stagnant couch potato life. It's a work-in-progress as per usual.
Letting baby lead my days is better than trying to drag him into the day I want though.
Starting the day with a bang!
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