Staying Home with Baby - Choice or Thrift?

I've had many people ask me if I'm "going back to work."

This is a sort of loaded question. It implies I stopped working during pregnancy, and have a position to go back to. It also assumes that I want/need to work, and that working makes the most sense for our family.

Look mom, I'm awake even though I was supposed to be napping!

Due to our two cross country moves, I was unemployed most of pregnancy. So asking if I was going back was just funny to me. Then, with us house-sharing in a different area than we lived pre-moves - my jobs are not local to me. Like, an hour drive for my part time gigs.

Now, I do sorta have jobs open for me. The bar I worked at has open shifts, so I can work those. I was only ever an on-call stagehand. The theater hasn't been able to find a replacement as talented as I, so all I have to do is ask them to put me back on the on-call list regularly, instead of for emergencies only. I also have a video company that I do a little filming for and a little work from home for. That's easy, as I can usually find local videoing to do, so I rarely have to make the trip out to their office.

However, unless we move back into that area, making a two hour drive (round trip) for a 4-6 hour shift seems silly. Especially as I make typically $10-$14 an hour depending on job. So it's a matter of attempting to balance pay with childcare costs!

This leaves me with a few options: 

• I do this very piecemeal part-time work, make a long dive for each shift, don't work much.
• This involves bringing Legan with me typically as I have to leave for work before my husband gets home. Then I pass Legan off to my mom/sister while I work. If it's a late shift, I plan for the 2 of us to spend the night so I don't have to wake him to leave, and wake him again when we get home. I do have other family in the area if my mom or sister isn't available - roughly 5 total people to choose from for free.
• Try to find a new bar out in this area, take whatever shifts they have available.
• Potentially have to pay for childcare at $10-12/hour for either an entire lunch shift, or just the first 2 hours of a dinner shift. Weekend shifts are fine. We do have my in-laws around who could help a couple of shifts per week, but would be a huge imposition on them, plus I need to plan ahead for vacations. Also any lunch shift is likely earning me $2/hour take home if I pay for childcare, Dinner shifts are better, as Eric arrives home just before 6, so then childcare costs stop.
• Retail work (joy):
• This would pay less than childcare, therefore I could only accept weekend hours (because I wouldn't be able to start until 6:30 pm during the week, and there aren't shifts that start that late). 
• That would either be impossible to find, or if I did find it I would miss out on the option of having all three of us doing anything together as a family. 
• Factory work, in shifts.
• 1st shift is out of the question, 
• 2nd shift I'd have to find childcare from 2 pm-6 pm, which would eat into about half of my take home pay.
• 3rd shift would pay usually an extra $1/hr plus I wouldn't need childcare. Unfortunately, I would only get to sleep from roughly 6:30 pm-10:30 pm best case during the week, with a potential nap while Legan naps. I would likely need help doing housework to get my nap in, and only giving myself the option of 4 hours of sleep at night isn't sustainable in the long run, especially as he doesn't sleep well at night.
• In addition, Eric's sleep would suffer as he'd be responsible for dealing with wake ups from 11 pm-6/7 am. There are still many.
• I would literally not see Eric awake more than 10 min per day during the week.
• Secretary/Administrative Position:
•  This would pay out exactly as much as childcare costs, and would only be able to happen during the day.
• That's just dumb :)
• Childcare: Taking in another kid for a little while during the week while I'm already home with Legan
• This isn't a bad option, and I'm doing just a little bit of it now. If we were in our own house, I could potentially do up to 3 kids total (Legan being one), at our current home 1 extra is definitely the limit.
• This is very dependent upon finding the right other child/age and finding a mom that only needs part time care in my area. Legan is still high needs enough that full time care would be traumatic for all 3 of us. 
• Luckily this ISN'T location dependent - I don't need someone to watch Legan while I work, and there are moms everywhere, so no matter where we are it's doable.

It's much easier to get diaper laundry done when I'm at home to do it.

I'm not happy with most of my options at all. I would prefer to be a 100% stay-at-home mom because I love raising my kids, and I don't have a career - only jobs. Therefore none of them will be hurt by my taking a few years off, and none of them pay well enough bother with paid childcare much at all.

Legan helping me "work" by watching this little guy for me.

That being said, I'm definitely OK with the idea of doing a little working part time to supplement, so that we can have our own house and get by alright financially. I just find it funny that so many of my working options would basically end up with me working for free, but in jobs that don't provide health insurance anyway! If health insurance were included, then it might be worth it.

And if Legan was in daycare - he might be jailed for being a sock thief!

I have faith that Eric's job skills and experience are adding up and increasing everyday. I know that finances can change quickly, and that he is a great provider - and becoming a better one. I know that me getting out of the house a little bit here and there and having those funds to add to an emergency or savings fund is a huge benefit. So as we get moved (soon?!) and settled, I'll be doing my best to find some work that not only helps out with our bills, but isn't a burden on any one person too much, as well as doesn't have hours that are traumatic to my family.

He loves fish sticks. Needs to double fist them.

That all being said....it's house hunting time!

House Hunting Hilarity

So now that we've been lucky enough to stay with my SIL for nearly a year, we've saved up and are looking to purchase our first house.

My name is Legan and I approve this kitchen sink!

Unfortunately, we're still in basically the bottom price bracket for liveable homes in any areas we're looking in, and we're not terribly picky.

The houses we can afford frequently fall into one of these groups:

• Tiny house land

• Under 900 sq feet, even with 2-3 bedrooms
• Usually no attic, no basement, no garage on top of that - or a tiny 1 car garage
• So where do we put our stuff and how do we grow our family, lol?

http://www.countryliving.com/home-design/g1887/tiny-house/

(we can't afford this one I'm sure!)

• Falling down around us

• Like, gutters hanging from the eaves (I think they're called eaves)...
• ...or roof/trim molding off, yes that is molding so much it's just slipping off.
• Foundation/floors so wonky you feel drunk walking through it
• Maybe just doesn't have flooring or intact walls at all.

Scary short door anyone?

• Super mold

• Like, it's coming up from the floors AND down from the ceiling at the same time
• or maybe it's a tri-level that has no flooring in the lower level because the flooring molded
• Let's just be honest, all the windows, doors, and baseboards are black, and it's not dirt

• Potentially sturdy homes, but super outdated

• This is the category we're looking for, probably means previous owner was someone's great-grandma and now they're selling the house without any updates since the 70s
• These have potential for us to update as we go, so long as they're move-in ready
• Include some super cool unique features like:
• Ceiling fans in bathrooms
• Built in slide-out cutting boards (I LOVE THESE)
• Additions making the floor plan weird - an eat-in kitchen plus a dining room, or maybe a fireplace in the master bedroom, a window that looks into a shed instead of outside, and my personal *favorite* glass sliding doors to the deck in the 8x10 3rd bedroom. :)
• Interesting color choices
• Mis-matched counter tops
• Appliances older than us
• A tunnel between two different garages (I can't make this stuff up!)
• "Moved kitchen upstairs, converted original kitchen to laundry room, but easy to convert back."

Remember that scary door above? Well this den has an "exterior window" that looks into the creepy shed on the other side of that creepy door.

Just a little bit of mold....

"Hey guys, the ceiling is falling down."

"Don't worry, I'll just put this bit of wood there, it's fine now"

A remodel totally rendered these stairs obsolete apparently.

Not sure what's worse, the old scary light fixture, the color, or the old wood trim window that's molding in the shower....

Note: we did NOT test out this fan.

Super awesome very old electric stove. Yes, that's the very old hot plate style burners. No thank you. Craigslist definitely has a better stove somewhere.

Now, because we're in this price range, we know we need to make concessions - so it's a matter of what we CAN'T live with, and what we can fix ourselves for very cheap, and what we can handle for at least the immediate term.

We need to make sure house is big enough that we're not immediately feeling we outgrew it, especially as it's likely we'll be in this house when any potential siblings for Legan are born. We need to make sure the schools are at least OK, as this is likely where Legan will start school. The neighborhood has to not suck, the bathrooms (preferably two shitters...because pooping & puking) need to be functional, and the kitchen has to be good (knowing we can't afford awesome). On top of that the drive to work for my husband can't be awful, but we have to be able to afford the mortgage AND the taxes (which are the harder issue currently!). 

That being said, we're doing our best, but I wanted to share some of the funny things we've seen plus a few pictures of stuff too, just for fun!

Hoping to have a new house to announce before too long. 

If I fits, I sits!

He put himself here. No, I don't think that's how the exersaucer is supposed to be used...

Well, ya know, probably not. 

Though sometimes advice is great!

He'd better love this momma

First forray into opening the bathroom drawers. Found the toilet paper and feminine products. Can't walk yet, but is learning about pads and menstrual cups. That's my little feminist. :)

SPD and Safe Exercises.....Evaluated by Yours Truly

Hm, working out?

So here mostly lies my pelvis issues:

Picture courtesy of http://www.pregmed.org/symphysis-pubis-dysfunction-spd.htm

What it really comes down to is that there are ligaments that are supposed to hold the front of your pelvis together. Mine don't anymore. So there are muscles there trying their best to do the job. Problem being that muscles are stretchy and have to be constantly tensed to hold something still. So just existing right now is basically asking all my pelvic muscles to be tensed all the time - and even more so to stand, walk, or step up or down. This is exacerbated even more with more speed, more weight, or having my knees further from each other - as that spreads pelvis more, making it harder to hold it all together.

Why I didn't go back together nicely after delivery, I'm not sure. My previous medical history involving super loose knees and a tendon that surprisingly tore with little warning and no acute trauma leads me to think that I don't have the best ligaments/tendons out there - maybe they're slightly too loose naturally, or maybe they are rather brittle and prone to tear, or just thin and weak. Maybe the traumatic delivery and the fact that while they were doing surgery I was in unimaginable pain that caused pretty much every muscle in my body to be tensed up while they were cutting was a big factor. I don't know - and while I wait on my insurance company to get me cards I can't even get further medical feedback. I was totally blown off at 8 weeks postpartum. 

Just cuz we're cute

• Swimming - safe activity so far.

• Elliptical - 
• Initial testing: Debatable at best. I can't shorten the strides enough for comfort. So I did it on very very low resistance, with the least amount of incline possible, and it was painful for 2.5 days afterward, but definitely less painful than the bike. Second attempt pretty much the same as the first, but pain only lasted 1.5, so better I suppose?
• One month later: I can do this. I have managed to do a program with variable resistance built in. I am sore for 2 days afterwards, but not the painful broken sore, just using muscles sore. 

• Reclined bike - 
• Initial testing: If I stay at less than 20% of max resistance, it's mostly OK - but still icky for a few days afterward - leaves lower back sore as well. I'm just not interested in trying a more upright bike after this - that's definitely going to try to spread pelvis out the way riding a horse would.
• One month later: Much much better, but still much more traumatic than the elliptical or ladder machine. Still haven't tried upright bike and have no immediate plans to do so. This is OK to do for a few minutes - but doing a full 25 minute cardio workout on it isn't in the current picture.

• Ladder machine (picture for reference) - 
• Initial testing: This is a super cool thing, and I think this may be the key to slowly managing to get my pelvis back into shape. That being said it is all about relatively high step ups which are hard and painful. I started with 5 minutes slowly. Next time I'm thinking more like 2 minutes. Not just the symphysis pain happened, but it also through off my SI (sacroiliac) joints as well - leaving those painful for a few days.
• One month later: This seems to have seriously helped my pelvis. The step ups aren't as hard anymore. I do 5 minutes of this at the end of each cardio session. Hoping to add to that slowly - but for now 5 minutes is good.

3/4 side view

Kinda intimidating from behind it

• Pull ups with machine assist - 
• Initial testing: Getting onto machine is a real pain - I can't step up 2' onto the foot rests to get on so I have to pull the kneeling pad all the way to the ground, step on it, then use arms to pull it up and then shift my knees onto it. Once on though - I can do it. However, if I engage core too much it pulls on pelvis.
• One month later: Doing well. I can now actually get up on the machine alright by myself, and I'm beginning to drop the amount of weight assistance.

• Treadmill -
• Initial testing: Well, I can walk on it. Period. So I might as well walk outside with Legan if it's not terrible outside.
• One month later: Doing a little better. I've set up a routine where I walk for 1 min, slowly jog for 2 min, walk 1, jog 2, walk 1, jog 1, walk 2 and be done. This does leave me sore for a few days, but a relatively mild sore. Not one that causes shooting pains when I try to roll over in bed. When I can get to the point of running 30 minutes on a treadmill - then I'll try a 10 minute run outside. The terrain changes and wind resistance and such will probably take a huge toll on me. I won't even up the incline on the treadmill until I can go 10 minutes straight without stopping. 

• Arm strength training machines - 
• Initial testing: OK, as long as I don't put on too much weight and therefore have to over tighten core - as that seems to pull pelvis up uncomfortably. So it's a slow process, but I've always been happier with high reps/low weight.
• One month later: Still working through slowly, but I have 8 machines that I use on a rotating basis, 4-5 per session. I have been able to increase the weight, and the soreness of abs and pelvis has decreased.

• Leg strength training machines -
• Haven't tried at all. Most of the cardio I do is leg based, and I have decided not to do any lateral leg strength training until I can run comfortably - if ever.
• Ab machines - 
• Pretty much in the same boat as leg strength, with one slight exception. I use a leg lift style tower similar to this one to do 2 sets of 12 leg lifts, bent knee. That's about my max considering that abs also play strongly into all arm machines, the elliptical, and the ladder machine.

So there it is. I'm trying really hard to get to be an athlete again. It's very hard on me because this whole recovery has been physically way harder than expected. Way harder than I've ever heard even from moms who had c-sections and who didn't go through pregnancy fit. I shouldn't still have any pain 9 months later, but I do.

I'm hoping to ride horses again. Maybe even a bike one day, but that's less important. 

For reference, in 2013 I tore the tendon on the bottom of my foot. I didn't walk for more than 2 months. I wore a boot for 5 ish months. I was able to run like 5-6 minutes without pain though starting at about 6-7 months out. I was able to do SOME yoga, even modified, like 3 days post injury. That injury could have potentially ended my running career. Therefore, I have a hard time understanding why pregnancy and surgery which are both much more common than my tendon injury dealt me such an awful blow.

It IS improving, but so slowly. I hope to hike this summer. I hope to ride my horse pain free one day. I hope to do a 5K again. I REALLY want to do at least one more Tough Mudder in my life, especially while NOT pregnant. 

Current workout plan on gym days: 25 minutes on elliptical to start. Followed by my walk/run routine on the treadmill. I'm using 3 mph for walking and 6 mph for running - as 6 mph is the max speed I've been happy consistently running for years now. Then 5 minutes on the ladder machine, followed up by 4 of the arm machines, 2 quick sets on the ab tower, and 2 quick sets of assisted pull ups. 

On off days, I try to get a long walk in plus maybe 3 sets of squats, some baby throwing around, and a plank or yoga pose or two - just to keep from being totally lazy. Add in a bar shift and one barn run, and I feel reasonably active. Warmer weather will help. I may try some light tennis (played VERY badly) or badminton (played SIGNIFICANTLY better, but not good really.)

We'll see!

At home weight lifting

Walking in our cute hats

Apparently it's more exhausting to be carried than to carry

This is Legan doing his workouts - he HATES being in this position...

In fact, he'd rather try to crawl in this position...

Practicing pigeon pose...

...on both sides

This is my real workout - carrying 2 large babies!

Just for Fun - Baby at the Pool!

Daddy couldn't get any smiles yet...

So much of the fun from our rec center membership comes from family pool time on the weekends. There is an indoor pool at the rec center and while it's not terribly warm, it's comfortable enough for just under an hour of playtime. The pool is shared with the local high school, so there's not really accessible open swimming hours during the week (they're at baby bedtime!), there are many hours on the weekends, so we try to go each week.

Wow, I have a long neck!

Ready to jump out of my arms!

When in doubt, eat your hand.

Sometimes we have blurry arms because they're too busy. Daddy's face, well I can't explain.

I get to get in first and do about 15 minutes of lap swimming, then Eric and Legan join once they're ready. We hang out and play as a family for maybe 45 minutes until Legan and I are chilly - then we go shower off while Eric gets to do laps for a bit. It works out great so that neither adult is too tied down with having to do so much baby duty in the locker room.

We have a waterproof camera, so here's some fun shots of playing with Legan in the pool, and a couple of short videos. Enjoy!

He likes the shiny metal pool divider.

Investigating the water.

Trying to drink the water...

Swimming!

Back to trying to drink.

Still loves the divider.

It's the world's biggest...cup?

Adorable swim diaper.

Goofy underwater shot

The lane dividers are cool too, but he didn't want me to take a picture of it. 

Swimming!

He loved this

All the smiles

Whoop, he got me!

Love our ducky robe 

Couldn't get him to smile though, oh well!

Pool fun!

Trying to drink the pool....

Splashing!

Attacking mommy!