I DON'T Condemn Cesareans

Content Warning on this whole post - discussing cesarean triggers, birth and/or sexual violence. 

It has been brought up to me a few times that people think I am very anti-cesarean section for birth.

This is not actually true. I don't hate or condemn them, I just believe they are overused and over justified as "medically necessary" which isn't the fault of the birthing person, but usually a doctor using scare tactics.

I am SO GLAD that it is an option. BUT - I think it is drastically overused and the WHO (World Health Organization actually agrees with me). Even the CDC generally agrees with me. 

In the case of a someone who has been traumatized by either past sexual/violence events or previous births, I think having a surgical option is important. I would strongly urge this person to do research on risks, and see if there's anyway therapy might make a vaginal birth a possibility, but, to each their own. 

In the case of someone with a TRUE birthing emergency - baby's heart rate SERIOUSLY drops and won't recover even if mom is given oxygen, changes positions, etc. DO IT! Now, a lot of doctors argue about heart rate, but there's a wide amount of variation associated with healthy babies, plenty of other sources tell us that.  Also to note as a definite reason for surgical delivery: placenta issues - placenta is over the cervix or attached through a previous uterine scar - these are serious concerns, vaginal birth is unsafe. If placenta detaches before baby is born - surgery is likely the best option, if umbilical cord is born before baby, surgery is probably safest. If baby or babies have some particular congenital issues - surgical birth is safest - conjoined twins, hydrocephaly, some heart conditions, or extremely early preemies. 

Generally hearing that baby is "stuck" or mom is "stuck" during labor...well that's harder to understand. While occasionally a baby will be too big for the pelvis - that's typically because of some sort of disease or injury that affected pelvis such as rickets, polio, or a bad pelvis break that doesn't heal correctly. The rate of true baby too big to be born from a healthy pelvis is some astronomically small number. It *can* happen, but it's rare. Generally labor or birth ends up "stuck" for one of several reasons.

1 - Mom is stuck on her back in bed. This causes pelvis to be tilted in a way that baby not only has to go "uphill" on the way out, but also to prevent it from flexing and opening fully. 
2 - Doctor isn't patient and doesn't want to wait for baby and body to deliver naturally. Active labor might not even techincally be started yet, or the body may be taking a needed rest as it gears up hormones for the next phase of labor/delivery. If neither the birther or birthee is in danger, then waiting is usually safe.
3 - Mom is low on energy or scared - both of these can arrest a labor. Solution - EAT, DRINK, PEE, and be in a safe place - whatever that means to you. For some women being safe means being in a hospital on monitors with a nurse. For others, safe is at home with your partner, your kids, a midwife and/or doula. Everyone's different.
4 - Mom was induced and neither body nor baby are truly ready for birth. There are very few reasons (HELLP Syndrome, Choleostasis, Pre-or Full Eclampsia, uncontrolled Gestational Diabetes, or a few other fetal health issues) that truly need induction. Water being broken but mom has no fever or contractions, mom is at due date, fluids are low are all generally not emergencies that need immediate induction. 

Other reasons a cesarean might be pushed on mom strongly, even if it's not yet truly necessary. 

1 -Mom has a fever, therefore infection is suspected after waters have broken. Epidurals can cause fevers. Just an FYI. Cervical exams don't tell the future (it doesn't really matter how dilated you are before or during labor until it's time to push, and intimate exams can INTRODUCE bacteria into the birth canal. Just another FYI. Infection is serious, but having no cervical exams reduces risk, and not having an epidural lowers chance of a fever that is unrelated to infection.
2 - Someone's heart rate has gotten a little low - take note that epidural can and frequently does cause low blood pressure - which can lead to baby's heart rate being low or high. Obviously this can turn into an emergency, but it may not be. You may be able to shut off epidural, move around, get oxygen, and improve things. 
3 - Either mom is overweight or baby is suspected to be. Well, your vagina doesn't care what you weigh - so honestly your weight is unlikely to matter. Also, baby being big is a very inexact science - meaning late term ultrasounds are often off on baby's weight by more than a pound in either direction....so, that seems silly. \
4 - Low amniotic fluids - well, those can be replenished, and ultrasounds aren't great at measuring those - as any fluid behind baby isn't seen on a scan. Also, one of the first things doctors like to do to speed up a labor is to break the water....so why would low waters mean a surgery, if you like them gone for delivery?

Here's some general cesarean FAQs, but know that it's major surgery, generally recovery is SO MUCH LONGER than for a vaginal birth, they can cause breathing issues for babies due to not having fluids adequately squeezed out of their lungs or having mom be overhydrated during surgery, and that they carry plenty of risks for mom for this birth and any subsequent birth.

VBAC Stats

A VBAC is a vaginal birth after a prior cesarean. They're generally (in lieu of other health concerns) safer than another c-section. For some reason in the US they have a bed rep as more dangerous, but that's just not true. I'm just posting stats below, because I'm tired of making the same arguments. 

General VBAC FAQs

I feel that most women have doctors that push c-sections, and after an inital c-section, they overstate the risks of VBAC while understating the risks of additional c-sections.

Most women are told that labor stalled therefore they're a bad candidate for a VBAC, but most labor stalls aren't dangerous and can be worked through by changing things. 

This all being said though, I agree, c-sections can save lives. So they're important. The weird thing to me though is that the maternal and neonatal death rate in developing or undeveloped countries still tends to be lower than the c-section rate in the US. So, are all of them truly saving lives? Nope. Are many of them life saving? Well absolutely.

I don't hate you or think you're a bad mom, or not a real mom or that you had an unnatural birth because it was a c section. Not at all. 

If you chose a section though, I will say that I probably don't understand your choice, but I don't have to. We don't have to all agree. Just please, please, please stop telling me that YOU think my VBAC plan is unsafe. I promise not to tell you that your C-Section Plan is a bad idea - because I'm not you, maybe it IS a great idea, for you. But if you start arguing safety, I'll bring up my handy charts above, showing 

Don't Quit on a Bad Day

I received this great piece of advice while I was struggling to figure out breastfeeding.

Never quit on a bad day.

So much sass!

So glad we didn't quit nursing on one of our bad days!

We did have Legan quit juggling lessons, turns out he's too young :)

Which isn't to say never quit, because honestly everyone has a point of when even healthful things aren't working for you anymore due to stress. Breastfeeding is no different. If it's making you (and baby) really unhappy constantly, then you need to figure out what you can change. If switching to (or supplementing with) formula is what you can do to make your feeding relationship better, then DO IT.

But I really liked this statement. It's way better than "never quit" because a lot of things need quitting. Some of them obvious bad habits, some of them are things that you have outgrown or don't need anymore, and some are really good habits that unfortunately just aren't working for you.

However, that doesn't mean every time you hit a bad patch or rough spot you should quit. Then you'd never accomplish anything difficult. So I like the philosophy. Wait until you're in a better mental place, and reevaluate. Of course if it's been days/weeks of bad, then you can't really keep "waiting" for the perfect time to evaluate, but be smart about it. Don't decide to quit breastfeeding in the middle of a screaming match where you've been bit, you're bleeding/bruised and you and baby are both overtired. At least wait until you can hand baby to daddy (or other support person), and take 20 min to yourself to shower and/or eat ice cream - maybe both. Get as calm as you can in your current life situation and then try to reason out your rational reasons for wanting to quit.

Some top tips here:

• Don't discount mental/emotional anguish as a legitimate reason to stop something. That is a valid reason to get out of a situation/activity.
• Try to stick out the activity if you have a limited time obligation and you're over half done
• AKA you signed up for a 12 week dance class and you're at week 7 or 8. Quitting now (unless there's a serious injury or emergency situation) seems silly!
• Financial obligations matter as well! I'm more likely to stick with something I've paid for, to a point. That's OK!
• Don't ever overschedule yourself. If you think you have, give it 4 weeks to try to sink into a pattern that works. If at 4 weeks you're not positive it's working, give it another 2 or 3 weeks. 
• Sometimes you have to quit something you love because it's not making your life better
• If you injure yourself or there's some sort of immediate danger (literally cannot eat/sleep even a minimum safe amount due to some activity/hobby/etc), quit immediately, whether it's a good or bad day
• In example: I ruptured my plantar fascia a couple of years ago. I quit running immediately!
• If you need to stop something you love, see if you can find a replacement
• This advice works for relationships as well!
• Don't leave your partner on a bad day/during/because of a big fight. Wait until you've both had time to cool off and think things through. If you are still thinking it needs to end when you're at your best, then OK. If you only want to end things when you're at your worst, then there's something else likely going on.
• Talk through any major "quitting" with someone you trust, who's preferably uninvolved. No one in your life whether they are friend, family, or partner is truly "un-biased" but be smart with whose advice you are giving the most weight to.

Maybe I should quit my one soda a day habit now that Legan is emulating...

Overall, the biggest important thing I can say is to not feel guilty quitting things you need to quit, but don't quit anything on a whim, especially something important to you.

I've quit a lot of things in the last year, but most of them I've really needed to. I'm working at refilling my days with new things. It's a long slow work in progress, but that's OK, life's about the journey.

Have you ever quit something on a bad day and regretted it later?

Had to quit laundry...for the moment.

Asleep in a pack and play, hooray! 

Happy Easter!

Sigh...Politics

I didn't start this blog in order to preach politics, and I don't intend to start now. At this point though, I feel it necessary to give a short list of how things are affecting me, plus a couple short points on how policy changes are doing serious damage to other marginalized groups that I am not a part of. 

This is far beyond your party/my party dynamics, I'm worried about the major changes and moving towards a Hitler-esque era.

• Planned Parenthood - doesn't use taxpayer dollars to provide abortions. About 3% of what they provide for services is abortion related. Most of what they do is provide STD care, pregnancy care, and birth control.
• I have used planned parenthood for my pregancy with Legan. Being against them means I should not have had that access.
• Dismantling the ACA. Granted I don't think it's a great system and it needs a LOT of work to make it work for people. That being said, without it, the last two years we probably would NOT have been insured in anyway. Also, the important parts about it - getting rid of the pre-existing condition clauses as well as the lifetime maximum, that's hurtful.
• I have asthma. If I lose coverage for any reason, I may not be able to get coverage again. Likewise with my birth injuries that are still causing me pain. No more insurance. 
• Legan was in the NICU for 3 weeks. Plus his crazy birth and some cardiac follow ups to keep our eye on his heart, he's had a ridiculous amount of medical costs already. He will likely hit his prospective lifetime max before he's 2 years old. Think about that one.
• Not covering birth control could be seriously problematic for me. Granted breastfeeding and birth control are a serious issue (and I've already ranted) but when I can turn to birth control I likely will have to pay out of pocket. It's very very hard to keep enough money in our pockets to get/stay off of any federal aid dollars if you don't have easy access to affordable birth control that works (not the 85% success rate of condoms alone). Less birth control means more babies, which is an obvious financial issue.
• Breastfeeding moms have relied on insurance companies being required to provide pumps for them so they can work. If they can't afford nice pumps to keep baby fed while they work they either have to stop working, or give baby formula which costs more money and can lead to more medical dollars being spent. Breastfeeding is good for the immune system which SAVES money for everyone.
• The blatant disregard/disrespect for those in the LGBT community
• I consider myself part of this community. Being against that group is being against who I am.
• Gag orders for the EPA about pretty much all environmental issues as well as arguing against science (including climate change).
• This is so scary for all of us. No questions here - keeping people uninformed is frightening enough, but refusing to believe in proveable science is dangerous to the long term survival of our entire species and ecosystem.
• Side note: teaching our children to disregard facts or call lies "alternate facts" is raising an entire generation to refuse to learn or accept any hard truths...sounds like bad parenting.
• All the actions taken against people of color...all of the colors. America is our people-and those people are white, black, brown, Asian, male, female, neither, gay, straight, trans, native-born, immigrant, and largely descended from immigrants like most of the people I know. You cannot single out any group and tell me they don't deserve basic human rights. You can choose to not allow new immigrants in-but choosing one group over others is as ridiculous as a parent choosing one child over another.
• Furthermore hating an entire group because of the actions of a few is downright stupid. Please don't hate me because some mothers with PPD/PPA have psychotic breaks and harm their children. Don't blame me for them. Don't blame all Muslim people for the crazed actions of a few terrorists. Also, see graphic below. Most acts of terror are not Muslim people. I agree the World Trade Center Twin Towers incident was awful, however by far not the norm. 

• We're detaining/deporting/refusing entry to people who we have ALREADY GRANTED GREEN CARDS TO. WTF people? I'm not saying we shouldn't thoroughly vet who gets entry to this country, but detaining people that are LEGAL residents? How does that make sense?

Alright, rant mostly done.

Below is a message that I found on Facebook. It was not credited to the original author, but if I find out who wrote it, I will amend this post and add that in. This is something for EVERYONE to think about. If you voted for Trump, but you didn't INTEND to vote for a racist sexist bigot, please consider your reasoning as it pertains to the statement below.

If you voted for the President because you believe in fiscal conservatism, you should be furious that your tax dollars are going to build a wall that will have zero impact on the effects of immigration.

If you hate the left because of "Political Correctness," you need to be asking yourself if you're okay with the President censoring communications from MULTIPLE government organizations like the National Park Service, the EPA and more.

If you voted because you hated Secretary Clinton's email server, I expect you to be calling your representatives to ask why Steve Bannon and others continue to use their unsecured personal emails and why your president is still using an unsecured Android device.

If you believe that fertilized eggs are people but refugee children are not, you need to stop acting like your concerns are religious.

If you voted because you believed they would better protect you against terrorists, you need to ask yourself why it's okay that your president just took away $130 million in anti-terror funds from New York with his punishment of Sanctuary Cities.

If you are angry that your insurance is too expensive, you should ask why your senators are repealing ACA without a replacement, an action that will leave 20 million people without insurance at all.

If you wanted to bring jobs back to the US you should be angry that Mar a Lago just hired another round of international workers, over Americans.

If you were concerned with national security I expect you to be concerned with the restructuring of the National Security Council with an anti semitic, fascist, racist, misogynistic domestic abuser.

If you believe the Clinton Initiative provided unequal treatment to countries that supported their foundation, you should be livid that your president has moved to block visas from Muslim countries like Syria, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen, but not places where he has business ties like Egypt, Qatar, Turkey, United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia.

Thank you for making it to the end. In return, have a couple happy baby photos! Assuming there aren't more massive scary policy changes, expect no more political posts for a long while.

Teething babies like pacifiers

So happy to be playing!

Dad games aren't like mom games

Just chillin'

This may be one of my favorite photos for a long time. I'll have to crop out so much of the background - but he was so proud of himself for knocking that bin over. And his thighs are so full of rolls!