Only Half-Crazy

So in the last few weeks, I have learned I can ride a bike, do some gentle indoor rock climbing, and run. My pelvis is at least somewhat more put together, finally.

I'm going to do a short post soon about what I think made the biggest difference there, but...this change brings us to a new thing.

I allowed myself to get talked into attempting another half marathon.

Now, the last one, I ended up with a partial tear to my plantar fascia (the band of tendon that runs from heel to ball of feet on the bottom), 3 months no weight bearing, months of PT and a whole year before I could run again. So, to say I'm a little nervous is an understatement.

Now, we're starting slower, increasing slower, I have different shoes and might get even slightly more supportive shoes soon, AND, and this is the biggest one, we're making a point to train on the same surface the run will be on. Last time we did our longest runs mostly on dirt, but the race was on asphalt and concrete. I'm hoping this makes a huge difference.

That all being said, we were training 6 years ago now and my body is not the same. And training is not the same. Either I have to wait to do my training runs until after the kids are in bed (or wake up to finish them before kids are awake, HAHAHAHAHA), or there's potential for Jade's second nap being cut short, running in the hottest part of the day, putting more stress into the already chaotic 5-8 pm chaos of Eric gets home, make dinner, do kid baths and bed rush, but get to run with Eric, and he pushes the stroller. I am too out of shape to run with the stroller at training level distances. Our huge double with kids loaded is 100 lbs. Our single which can hold both kids for me to run at least reduces that to 80 lbs and less ground resistance but...still. It's just not practical.

Running in hottest part of day and listening to Legan ask 1000 questions and argue all the answers as I struggle to keep my pace and breathe is...hard. Hard physically, hard mentally, hard emotionally. Just hard. Having to make sure I have dinner taken care of before Eric gets home (even if that just means making sure that we have leftovers ready, because cooking everyday is for OTHER people), kids prepped and ready to leaven upon his arrival (which varies by almost an hour, so that's fun), and missing out on the normal hour I have when he gets home that I like to spend dumping kids on him while I do some emergency house maintenance in somewhat quiet.....is hella hard. And so is running by myself in the dark, or by myself in the morning and losing sleep over it. So....idk. 

I'm trying, I'm really really really trying. But at this point in my life, running isn't mind therapeutic at all, because trying to eek out the time to do it, plus listening to even more of my kids' whining and questions is doubling stress. 

And bike riding as a form of fitness instead of either fun or occasional transport, that's new to me, and I don't think I like it. I have a super cheap mountain style bike, so lots of weight on my wrists and hands. Plus I'm just not great at it, so it's hard and stressful. Staying upright and in a straight line is work for me. Hills are bad all the way around - up is way too hard and down is way too fast and scary.

But cross training during run training is SO important to help avoid injury. So we're trying to get a family fitness bike ride in per week (kids in bike trailer behind Eric), and a yoga/strength training session in too for other muscle building, because you really want to put mulitple stresses on your body, so it adapts and gets stronger more evenly, which keeps you from having a strong muscle completing with a weak muscle, which pulls unevenly on joints and...causes injury.

So I'm trying. I really am. But I worry I may have bit off more than I can chew. 

Because I'm getting less kid free time and I'm adding more stress of all kids plus just being more tired. Hopefully it evens out as I'm only a week in. And hopefully my body reacts by getting stronger, and making it all feel easier. Hopefully Jade and Legan stop whining during training so much (hahaha). Hopefully I get better at time management or at least nap management to cut down on some of the feel of timing stress; or at least keep it from getting worse as workouts get longer.

Hopefully.

And hopefully, we can find people to hang out with the kids on the race route that morning, while we run. Because no strollers allowed in the race itself.

In the meantime....I'm just trying to keep it all together, somehow. 

More photos to come. I promise.

And the title...well, running a marathon is CRAZY. So running a half marathon? Only HALF-crazy!

So big

Eat the shower curtain!

Snacks at the pool

Couch selfie

The bike trailer, terrible photo

She just wants to go

another pose 

We're super classy, but, he has a helmet on!

Daily Grind

I'm not really sure why I'm typing this up. I feel like I should. So maybe it's helpful for me just to see it, or maybe it's helpful to someone else or read it. Or maybe I just get it out of my head and it stops asking to be written down.

They loved gyros, apparently

I wanted to just put a quick rundown of my basic routine with kids alone on my average weekday.

6:20 am, Jade wakes me up after probably getting me up 2-4 times the night before. Am tired. Nurse baby
6:30-6:45 Get dressed in clothes I laid out the night before, pee, have 5 min to chat with Eric while he chats with Jade too
6:45-7:30 ish. Go downstairs, get Jade into clean diaper, get my hair brushed. Get water. Try to have Jade entertain herself with toys while I spend a few minutes logging our night sleep, and take a couple to myself to stretch, grunt about tired. Touch base with on a mom forum or check Facebook notifications. Just waiting for Legan to get up
7:30-8 Legan is up. Fight with him for a diaper change, change Jade again, let dogs out, and try to get breakfast on table without stepping on anyone or Jade losing her crap
8-8:45 Eat real quick. Pick Jade's food up off floor a million times. Try to answer Legan's questions quickly and convince him to eat in less than an hour. Frequently, limited success. Then clean up both kiddos.
8:45-9, let them play for a smidge while I empty dishwasher, handwash the couple of things sitting from dinner, fill dishwasher, wipe down counter, table, and high chairs. Finish any coffee or Dr. Pepper of my own so I can brush my teeth. OR, if floors are critically dirty, make sure to vacuum in here.
9-9:25 Kid's teeth and hair get brushed, with only some help from them. Another round of diapers and frequently spraying out a Legan poop. 
9:25-9:45 Shuffle Legan and dogs into basement to play. Get Jade nursed, lay her in bed for nap 1. Lasts 35 min - 2.5 hours, lol. Usually about 90 minutes.
9:45-10:15 ish If I have clean diapers or clothes to put away, or didn't get to dishwasher or dishes earlier, now's the time. 
10:15-11:30 Legan time. Frequently this is when I start wash on a load of diapers. Very occasionally I have to fold a load real quick. If we're inside, play with him for a while in basement, let him play alone some too. If it's nice - GO OUTSIDE AND SCREW FOLDING DIAPERS. If basement floor is super gross, can sneak in vacuuming in basement while Jade naps.
11:30-12:30 Work on making lunch and inevitably Jade waking up in the middle of the process regardless of when I start it. Try to remember to change Legan, then get him seated and eating, change Jade, nurse her, throw her in high chair to pick at food while I scarf stuff down. Legan gets down first once I clean him. He gets 10-20 min to play while I clean up Jade and lunch remnants, plus make sure his room is set for nap-lay out naptime diaper, get white noise on, make sure his special blankie and froggy are in the room.
12:30-1:15 ish. Potentially change and spray out Jade poop. Get Legan changed again. Involves fighting and wrestling. Read 0-2 books depending on timing and amount of crazy that happens with diaper change. Jade joins us for book time. Then Jade and dogs go to basement to hang out while I nurse Legan and tuck him in. Should be out by 1:30, and sleep until 3:30/4. YAY. Get Jade's room set for nap (white noise and such) when I leave his room.
1:30 - 2 or 3. Play with Jade alone time. Right now we're practicing crawling or standing and holding onto stuff. If it's nice out, we can go outside for 30-60 min, or if I need to fold stuff by now, it's a great time. If her first nap was short though, she's usually down for nap 2 right after Legan goes down. That's a great day. If she woke up as lunch was finishing, then I play with her for a while, change her, try to get her entertained by herself so I can have some ALMOST kid-free time usually writing or just perusing Facebook or watching an episode of TV that she mostly ignores. 
2:30-4 Typically pretty alone here because usually both kids are asleep together for an hour. On bad days, Jade wakes up right before Legan goes down, and then is going down as Legan is waking up. Those days are hard.
4-5/5:30 Weird time of day. Eric is probably getting home soon. If cooking needs to be done, I'm rushing to do it while Legan is being obnoxious. Jade is likely waking up in the midst and gets a quick diaper and boob and rides on my back. If it's not a cooking day, we try to all go on a walk/play outside in nice weather. If it's crappy out, and I don't need to cook, I hide while Eric plays with kiddos and dogs. 


Here is where it gets really fun. Here's 2 different options depending upon naps. Sometimes kids are on different bed time schedules, in which case dinner is together and early, but 1 kid gets a long play time while the other kid and parent is starting bedtime. Generally Eric handles Legan (and I just have to nurse him at the end) and I handle Jade. I'm quicker at getting her cleaned up and dressed.

Schedule for bad bad bad nap day

5:30 Dinner. If we don't have time to feed parents now, so be it, Legan gets PB&J and we move on. When he's tired he takes like 30-45 minutes to eat almost nothing, but I have to try.
6:15-6:30 Brief playtime while dinner cleaned up and mom sets out pajamas, gets both rooms ready to receive kiddos, and picks out clothes for kiddos and mom for tomorrow
6:30 Start bedtime routine for 1 or both kiddos, whoever is going to bed early. Teeth brushing, diaper change, pajamas, books, hugs & kisses, then nursing and tucking in. It's the same for either kid, though we skip books if it's just Jade going down. She'll join in books if they're going down at the same time.
7:15 - tired kid or kids in bed. If one kid still up, it's basement playtime with Dad usually, but sometimes mom too.

Schedule for if naps were OK, so bedtime is roughly 8/8:15

Play until dinner
6:15 Dinner chaos!!!! Legan is usually in crazy mode by now. Jade is just kinda cranky in general. I try to nurse her before dinner, but sometimes it's too crazy in the house and she won't. Sometimes eating takes an hour because Legan is trying to talk and play.
6:45-7:30 Bath or play time. Depends on the day. Kiddos bath together. They love that. Or they play for a while with Dad or dogs. When nights start being warmish we'll try to alternate. Bath 1 day, play inside with Dad 1 day, family walk 1 day. Hair brushed after baths.
7:30 Start bedtime, teeth, diapers, pajamas, books. Best case, we do all those together, then I nurse Legan while dad gets a few extra minutes with Jade, and then I nurse Jade and both kids out by 8:15. If Jade gets too fussy, I instead nurse her during books and lay her down right before nursing him. Whomever can't hang goes down first. Hoping that once she's over a year and we can communicate a little better, and nursing is less her way of eating and more for supplemental nutrition and comfort that I can nurse them at the same time, and just have Daddy lay Jade down while I tuck in Legan....but we're not there yet. 

After they are in bed, it's parent clean up time. Make sure dinner was totally cleaned up, fill up and start dishwasher, parent showers, diapers folded and get in a little adult time via video games, board games or TV from like 9-10. Then get ourselves ready for bed, climb in by 10:30/11p. 

Jade wakes up for more feeds at either 11, 3, 5, OR 11, 1:30, 4, 5:30. 

I get not nearly enough sleep, and start over. 

Getting extra cleaning done happens during one of the solo kid play times. Errands mean waking Jade up after 45 minutes from her first nap (or making breakfast happen super fast and push her nap later). OR if she has a short second nap, run errands at 4 pm, and do leftovers for dinner. 

I try to some me time during nap time. Sometimes I have to do appointment scheduling or wool care or extra cleaning duties there. But I try to take time to myself because I'm in danger of losing my mind if I don't.

And it is exhausting, but there are so many hugs and kisses and smiles. But hopefully one day, there will be less naps and so less structured chaos....I think?

Modeling with her Jade bunny

We managed to see the best kite ever during a kite fest on a walk just a quarter mile from our house

The cutest ever duo in the best hats

These are messy fierce kisses

Somedays I even get bigger kid cuddles

She's trying so so hard, and she managed to learn to crawl

baby toes!

She has learned to pull up to her feet

Legan modeling the flowers from the wedding I was just in

Keep Out the Mushrooms

Let me preface this with I started it a couple of weeks ago when I was really tired and the idea popped into my head at 3 am while nursing and walking with Jade....so...that's the disclaimer. I elected to just write it out because it was great to get the idea out of my head.

I don't love mushrooms. I know they're generally (excepting of course, the deadly ones and the "magic" ones) healthy for you, but I just can't love them.

So I like to think of things I can't change and don't love about my life as mushrooms. Like, toddler temper tantrums or cleaning stuff I have to handle, unpleasant house projects, etc.

The "Jade doesn't believe in mom doing cleaning while she's awake" face.

And then I think of my weeks as chicken, beef, or seafood. That's in rank for how much fun stuff I have planned. Chicken weeks are boring, I have nothing good going on. Beef have some fun stuff, but low key. Maybe I'm visiting people locally, or they're coming over here to visit, but either way kiddos are going to enjoy it. Seafood weeks are rare and they are busy and fun. Think longer trips out, like all day trips to zoos or whatnot. Stuff that doesn't come up often, and is usually a production, even though it's fun. It's exhausting but builds great memories.

Ok, I did say this was all silly, right?

Good.

But my goal is to not ruin perfectly good food with mushrooms.

Like...chicken. Chicken and mushrooms isn't a good idea. Mushrooms dry out the chicken. A lot. Because they're like sponges of flavor, but also juice. So...if you must have mushrooms with chicken, just a few of them and don't leave them in there too long. Boring mundane weeks can't have too many tantrums or too many unpleasant tasks.

And seafood with mushrooms? Well that's like asking for disaster, because dried out seafood is even worse, it turns into rubber, and stealing the light flavor of seafood ends up with not enough flavor to go around at all. So none at all in there. Like, aim to do no deep cleaning or icky house projects on these type of busy fun weeks.

Beef/steak weeks though, well ok. Beef can handle a decent amount of mushrooms because it has extra juice, and plenty of flavor to share. Especially if you've cooked it correctly, so it's extra yummy. So on low key weeks where we have friends and little stuff going on, I'm getting enough other fun stuff done that I can handle scrubbing the deepest part of the tub, defrosting the freezer, deep cleaning the couch, etc.

But beyond this pretty dumb and silly analogy, is the point of trying to measure out fun stuff and boring necessities into easy to manage chunks.

Try not to let any week have too much awful icky stuff, but don't try to get done too much normal stuff on a super exciting week - just coast on by with those good vacations or whatnot with as little mundane crap as you can manage.

Balance. Just TRY to balance even just one small area of your life. Every little bit really does help.

Legan in his new phase - he doesn't want to wear shirts. So get and stay warm please weather!!

We had one nice day that wasn't too windy. this is Jade's first grass experience.

Surveying her kingdom...er...yard

First time in tub all alone

He's now a big kid that wears parent shirts to bed...before taking them off to sleep without a shirt.

Jade's first time in shopping cart. Also, Legan likes to sit in the cart when he's with her

Silly mommy/Jade time

We got to rent Gigi an RV for a short time alone to herself. It was hilariously small.

Legan was intrigued, especially by the weird toilet and the fact that it was in the shower.

He wanted to be a stowaway. 

Don't Tell Me You're Tired

Now I don't want to speak just to the people in "traditional" man/woman relationships and roles, but I think this will apply to basically any two-parent household. Nearly any.

In any household with a young baby, there will be middle of the night (MOTN) wakeups. As I've discovered and discussed at great lengths, some babies are really bad at sleeping overnight, but some are better than others. What this really amounts to though, is someone has to get up with them. Everyone has there own plan and system, but from all the parents I've talked to....and I'm part of SO MANY ONLINE MOMS GROUPS...it's almost always an unequal divide, regardless of how it works.

For our household, it's generally (not exclusively, but almost always) me who gets up with the baby. I did give up my Legan overnight duties at about 28 weeks pregnant with Jade, but he gets up much less often and is much better at putting himself back to sleep afterwards. Jade is up somewhere between 1 & 5 times per night lately, because colds are evil. When she's healthy, it's usually only 2. And when she's healthy, it's frequently up just to feed, and then right back down.

But you see, if one of the parents is breastfeeding baby, then generally that parent is the one getting up, because it's always more fun to get up with a baby than get up to attach yourself to a mindless breast-sucking machine. And there are other factors, like a parent that has a long drive in the morning and isn't good at driving on little/no sleep. Or a higher pressure job. Or a parent that is better at waking a d getting back to sleep. Each family makes their own decisions, but again, the MOTN wakeups are generally unequal.

The important point here is that the parent getting more sleep....should NEVER EVER EVER try to tell the less sleeping parent how tired they are. Ever. Because it's insulting. It feels like the parent with more sleep is basically putting themselves over the other one.

I am the parent who gets less sleep, and it's so demoralizing to here my partner (or honestly any other parent who I know is the "more sleep getting" parent) telling me how they're tired. Because I get less sleep, and I average about ~4 broken up hours of sleep per night most weeks. And so to hear from someone who averages 6.5-7 hours per night, even broken, just feels insulting to here. Like it doesn't matter how much I struggle and feel like the life is all being sucked out of me (sometimes more literally than others depending upon how there's so much nursing going on), because someone else had a rough night or two. It's so hard to here about how hard it is to live on 5.5/6 hours of sleep from someone else when that would describe probably a top 5 night in my last 9 months. Honestly, a top 5 night. And you're telling me that that makes you miserable? LOL!!!!! And kindly screw off. Because it makes me feel like I'm a freaking magician compared to you. Or maybe more like someone who works twice as hard as you and gets half as much credit.

So yeah, I know that you're tired and that you sometimes "help out" by taking the baby who's been up for hours already, but seriously, go complain to someone else about how tired you are. ANYONE ELSE. Just not me, because I can't handle it, I can't listen to someone doing so much better than me in this aspect, so it's infuriating.

Poor people don't want to hear about how rich people can't afford silly luxury items like European vacations when the poor person is draining out their savings just to try to keep a crappy car going so they can get to their job that has no PTO. It just hurts and is frustrating and makes you want to shake them to make them realize how hurtful they're being. It's a privilege thing. You have the privilege of sleeping much more, so stop going on about how rough your sleep is.

Because your partner wants to NOT WANT to scream and cry and yell. Because they're already tired and cranky and if you're wanting to complain that means you're probably being cranky too, and they just aren't well rested enough to be kind and rational. So stop trying to ask them to be MORE than rational and kind, stop asking them to carry YOUR weight in this too. Just leave them be. Give them a hug and some dessert and their drink of choice.

So go vent to someone else, anyone else, because I know you're tired, and that's OK, but you gotta complain to someone else who is on your level, not someone much below you on the sleep hierarchy.

So...please don't tell me you're tired. Because I passed tired months ago.

She's just starting to get up on hands and knees!!! Go big girl go!!

And really starting to actually eat real food. She loves fruit.

Also, this is how I spend some of my spare time. Doing quick and only acceptable repairs on stuff, because putting in the time and effort for full repairs is just too much. This was supposed to be a continuous piece...but there was a hole.

I love that they love each other. He's hugging, she's kissing.

Trying to pull herself up on the table.

It's thinking about getting warm. So he's wearing socks with sandals and a hoodie under a rain jacket, lol. But...we're outside.

Jade had her first real swing session.

  

She's really obsessed with Spock's ears. Really obsessed. We police.

Having fun playing at an indoor play center. We put her in a box

She loves trying to be a big kid.

Got a picture of both of them!!!!

And she's finally sitting up in the bathtub too...it's taken a few weeks past sitting on her own.

Tips to Being a Cleaning Monster

So, I'm trying to workout and I'm trying to write and I'm trying to have me time and husband time and cope with dogs that keep having injuries and handle two silly kiddos under the age of three. HOWEVER, I also get the burden of trying to handle the housework. So I put together some tips on finding a way to not get totally overwhelmed and end up in a total disaster, at least all the time.

This is how I feel when I realize I have a lot of messy house to clean up.

Also, this guide is for those that are too cheap or too broke to hire someone. If you can afford to hire someone to come once a week or every other to help him, that's freaking awesome and I'm not going to dig on your for that. But, that's not everyone's life and that's not my life. So, here's for those other people.

1. Rage cleaning. This is very important. When you're frustrated by your kids or your dogs or your husband, channel all that into a cleaning burst. Figure out A - what is the most behind right now and B - what you're not going to break anything while doing it. Have a quick fight and clean the fuck out of that toilet.

2. Burst cleaning. This is just my phrase for "you're a busy parent now so give up on having a huge block of time to clean." So, when you have 5 or 10 minutes here or there knock out what you can. This means keep a small amount of cleaning supplies in each bathroom. Not necessarily everything, but enough for any basic cleaning. For me that means a vinegar solution and a bleach solution and toilet bowl cleaner. So knock out mirror and toilet when you have 5 minutes. Do sink & counter next time. Do the tub/shower when you have 10-15 minutes.

3. Critical levels. Instead of having a planned schedule for doing certain things every so often, it's time to accept that you're busy. So, make sure to do a little when you can, keep major stuff (in this house that means dishes, laundry, and the crumbs immediately under the toddlers chair) handled in small increments everyday, and once those basics are taken care of, fit other stuff in as needed, when it hits critical level. Like, I ignore the bathrooms until they're critically dirty - ring around the tub, mildew, ring in toilet, etc. Then make whatever is at the critical level the thing do to first. And just prioritize it that way.

4. Knowing that you can't necessarily plan a ton of blocks of time constantly to clean, set aside maybe two days a month to be "cleaning days." The whole day doesn't have to be spend cleaning, but make those the major cleaning days. Get your spouse (or a friend if you are single) together, claim a block (depending on your kids and what's at critical level decide if this is while kids are up or while they are asleep) for maybe an hour, and bust out a bunch of crap. Have a list ready, have the music on, and just do it. If you're doing it while kids are awake, have a movie on or whatever works for you guys.

5. Use the kids. Wear the baby or toddler while you vacuum. Have the toddler or older kiddo help a bit. Give them their own broom or vacuum. Have them scrub the toilet, or wipe the mirror. Accept that baby or toddler wearing makes this your cleaning and workout time. Dance and make it playtime and cleaning time. Don't let the kids touch bleach though. Just don't. But use as much natural cleaner as you can so that they can help. Legan loves to clean toilet and counters and tables, and so "help" sweep. Sometimes he wants to help vacuum, sometimes it's too loud.

6. If things are at a critical level and you just can't get your 10 minutes together that day, make sure your partner/friend can take kids for 10 minutes, or drop everything once kids are out for 10 minutes and get it done at the end of the day. But no cleaning marathons at that time of day, just quick bursts and only critical things. Seriously, don't lose a ton of sleep to clean, that's stupid.

7. PUT THE DAMN PHONES DOWN. When we do our block of cleaning days (we have to split the block into 45 minutes while kids are awake and being worn/helping and 30 minutes while they're sleeping to do the other stuff) we put our phones down, together somewhere that neither of us is cleaning, and leave them there until we both agree that we're done with the block. Because no additional distractions are helpful. Just put them down.

8. Take care of basic crap and upkeep AS it happens. For me, that means anything less than a 5 min job, just clean it up as it happens, so it doesn't add to maintainence issues/time. If there's a huge mess under the toddler's chair, grab the vacuum and suck it up in 30 seconds real fast. If when you put leftovers away you dump some on the floor, wipe the counter for 10 seconds. If you get a poop diaper, even if baby is screaming or waiting on a nap, spray that poop into toilet RIGHT NOW rather than let it pile up. If you make a spill, even if it's not a big deal, just deal with it right now, because if the kids can't handle waiting 1-2 minutes, it's already too late to keep them on their schedule. I ignore this rule though, when I'm on my way out the door, unless it's a true disaster. 

And hopefully now you've got some ideas to help you stop from getting overwhelmed and totally overloaded and buried. Once you're buried, you probably need to just hire someone (or beg family/friend) to get you a full day away from kids or a cleaning person to take care of it to get you out from under.

Hang in there guys. One day it'll get done. Until then, keep out the mold and bugs and you're probably doing enough.

Happy naked baby. This requires occasional tub cleaning.

I could clean, but these guys needed a momma

And they needed snuggles

DADDY SNUGGLES means mom can run a vacuum real fast. Or something.

This is a way we can get some stuff done with cranky babies

Babies eating chicken nuggets means more floor cleaning

How does one resist these dudes?!

Clothing Issues

Sometimes I wish I had the time and energy and skill and sources to make my own wardrobe. Or to pay someone else to do it. Alas, no good.

All these pictures feature a dirty mirror. Sorry-not-sorry

This outfit is..almost ok. These pants were not flattering, so I cut into capris which was awesome, and lots of comfy pockets. Shirt though, is lightly too tight, it emphasizes belly, which isn't fun postpartum.

So here's my picky picky list of why I hate clothes.

Let's just start with basic overview...

If I didn't jiggle, leak, bounce, or get cold I would be nude all the time. I hate to feel my clothes. If i could have a weightless zero compression garment with appropriate easy access to nurse, use toilet, and get on and off without endless amounts of fasteners, I'd be totally in. But not so much. Either way, supportive clothing, with the exception of my bra because I hate bouncing more than feeling my clothes, is the devil. I don't like to feel squished.

Machine washable isn't a debate, it's a deal breaker.

Loose and baggy to the point where if I try to eat or walk or go up and down stairs or in and out of car and it ends up under my feet, blowing in the wind, trying to get into my plate/mouth, or catching anything in such a way that might put any even light pressure onto my entire neck area - nope. Again, I don't want to feel it, so I can't be wrestling with it.

No high necks because anything touching above my collarbones makes me want to gag. Literallly.

Sleeves can't be compression/skin tight or loose enough to blow in the wind, but can't interfere with raising my arms above my head. There's a reason I stick to mainly tank tops. Because sleeves are so easy to mess up.

Pockets

A total must. And not cute pockets. Pockets that can hold a phone without falling out. And at least two, but preferably 4-6, because I already have a diaper bag, I can't carry a purse, but some things I need on my person, and some things I am picking up after kiddo 1 or 2 has dropped them and we're trying to get out the door, or I need somewhere to put a hanky because someone's nose or mouth or hands always needs to be wiped. So...pockets.

Jeans

They're simply not comfortable. Need I say more? I mean, yeah, stretch denim, because no other option, but it's a thick material and in order to stay up some part has to be tight. So it digs in. And seams are thick. I mean, maybe if I could still find pipe style jeans from the early millennium I could get by on those, but not so much luck. Flare style are my preferred because I feel like they balance out the large butt/small ankle look of mine, but that's still tight in the thighs, and I hate HATE compression feeling clothing. But they can't be loose enough to need to continually hitch up. So, jeans are a working garment usually. Or intentionally going out to LOOK cute, but those fuckers are coming off as soon as I step into the house, just so you know. Assuming I've found any to fit my postpartum self because....

Rise

The rise on all pants has always been a super nuisance to me. I used to love low rise because I have a hilariously short torso (hence why my pregnancies caused belly to get HUGE!), and used to have a tiny waist and huge butt/hip. So anything that didn't sit right at or barely above my hip bones had a flapping problem on top - my waist and hips refused to fit into the same size. However now, I have a belly flap. And I hate it, because it jiggles when I laugh and it bounces when I move and it just needs to sit the fuck still. Low rise pants sit under it mostly, so it flaps over the top of them. That's not acceptable. High rise nearly touches my bra. Less than 2" apart typically. That's also not ok. Not only does it tend to overheat me, but it leads to the top of the pants flapping and pulling at my stomach/chest whenever I sit/stand/chase kids/move at all. And when I sit it causes a fold of skin to appear between the waistband and bra band because they're too damn close together. So mid rise? Well, maybe. Some mid rise on women's clothing sits still an inch or two above my belly button...some juniors mid rise is more like hip huggers, lol. And because the flap all sits pretty low, and my waist is starting to again be pretty small as compared to my rump, I still get some of the top part flapping issue. So...idk. It comes down to individual pairs of pants as to whether a particular rise fits. I can't just guess anymore. Ick.

Material

I need it to be stain resistant (well, at least kinda, as I wash white cloth diapers and get all the stains out, I'm a sort of guru), stretchy to accommodate yoga and chasing kids and dogs, and forgiving enough to disguise some minor lumps. Other needs: preferably doesn't magnet ALL OF THE DOG HAIR from a 3 mile radius to itself, doesn't snag too badly on broken nails, dogs, or toddler toys. Needs to tumble dry, but also look fine after being balled up in a corner for 3 weeks. Not shiny. Not see through. Thick enough that the knees won't tear out after 2 washes or my first tumble on the sidewalk. Because I fall down. Because I'm exhausted and clumsy and distracted.

Length/Climate Issues

Shorts need to not be huge and flapping, or riding up into my crotch and ass, 'nough said. Capris should hit just below the knee, because the ones that hit 3" above my ankles look funny and don't have any advantage over full length pants. Pants should just skim floor barefoot. So that when I go out in the wet with shoes, they don't get soaked, and so I don't walk on the hem and ruin them, but also not the 7/8 or ankle length pants that cause super cold ankles because I live in Illinois. I also like clothes that don't instantly go see through or lose all shape with just a little water on them (100% cotton, I'm talking to you!) I need slightly thinner stuff for the summer/late spring/early fall, and then double layer but not compression or bulky stuff for the rest of the year. I'm cool wearing a hoodie or pretty overshirt with long sleeves over a tank top in the winter though, so long as my pants are comfy, because inevitably with long warmish pants, I'll need to be in just a tank if I'm inside most people's houses because I don't like it to be 80 inside, lol.

Legging issues

Frequently they don't have pockets, and usually the rise is just wrong. If they're loose enough to be comfy they spin at the ankles and sag. If they're tight enough to stay put they are usually compression style and I can't wait to take them off. The comfy ones don't last more than a couple washes, and tend to come in obnoxious prints, and are freezing in the cold weather, oh, or transparent. So I'm sitting here wearing leg warmers because I'm freezing. No joke. Also, with the huge butt/skinny ankles they just aren't a great look for me unless I'm in a super long shirt.

Shirts

So assuming we've found something that is an okay material, the sleeves are okay, and the neckline isn't too high. That's good. But I still have more shirt problems here. First - nursing. I hate rolling the shirt up to nurse a kiddo from the bottom, because the shirt is either touching my throat or sitting on their face - no one is happy. So I need either a loose enough tank that I can pull the strap off my arm, or a low enough/stretchy enough neck I can just pull a boob out the top. Second, shirt can't be too baggy so that it's catching wind or drawers or who-knows-what. I didn't use to mind them being fitted pretty closely (not compression), but now that I have my ever so fun flap, it's hard to get it right. I don't want it to highlight my belly flap, so slightly looser is important to me. And length. Especially if I'm wearing leggings, I want it to at least skim the bottom of my butt, it makes me feel more dressed. And it can't roll up (not usually an issue now that I'm wearing them looser, but was a serious issue before that!) to my waist, or have it falling off my shoulders (remember, loose neckline), or just moving around a bunch so that I'm constantly adjusting it. I really really really don't like to have to think about my clothes. The last two considerations are mostly in regards to tank tops. 1 - arm holes need to be a reasonable size. Now that I'm wearing more like a L or XL sometimes the arm holes are trying to be slightly too big and are showing my bra. OR, current fashion is just bad an intends to have the arm holes flapping low. Not acceptable, due to the rule of not wearing two shirts. So arm holes need to be reasonable. 2 - the strap lines/back/etc needs to generally cover bra straps. I can accept that straps move out and peek, that's one thing, but another current fashion, likely due to the prevalence of the two shirt thing, is to have shirts have straps or a back that isn't even kinda the shape of bras, straps going in seriously weird directions, in wacky patterns, or a back that's pretty much fully lace or missing so that the entirety of the bra strap and/or back band is showing. No thanks.

So this doesn't leave a whole lot of clothes for me currently, because I'm apparently incurably picky and so out of trend that clothes I like aren't really made anymore.

But, here's some outfit pictures of things I've thrown together. Also, leg warmers have been importantly lately, and they also help me like leggings more - the look is more appealing to me, and my legs are cozy. They make me feel like my ankles don't look silly or make my butt look huge. They also make me feel like an amazing dancer (my first visual on leg warmers was the actors/actresses of the musical CATS, so that's what I always think of), and they make me happy. I don't even know if they're trendy right now or not, but with so many cropped pants and living in the Midwest...well, they SHOULD be trendy.

Postpartum Belly @ 5 months, relaxed

Postpartum belly @ 5 months, flexed

Same from the front, relaxed

And flexed, this shows the flap

Outfit is OK, shirt is slightly too tight on belly, but not bad. And I love that these pants aren't tapered to the ankles, so I love that, and they have pockets!

Loose fit maternity dress, it's mostly ok though, except sometimes the breasts get flashed out, and my infamous leg warmers because I have leggings underneath. But, no pockets in this outfit.

Not my favorite. Shirt slightly tighter than I like. It is too tight for leggings, but these aren't leggings. They're jogger sweats, with pockets. I wish they flared out instead of tapering with a cuff, but they're alright. They're baggy enough on top though that they don't show off my cute butt and thighs. But they also don't show off my belly or love handles, so that's nice.

This is a pretty good outfit. The shirt is good, though almost too transparent. Leggings are almost too bright. And a little tight. And no pockets. Plus leg warmers. 

Nice shirt, just flowy enough, but not quite wind catching. Wish it were a hair longer, then there's the leggings/no pockets/leg warmer thing

This is that shirt again, just slightly too short and tight for these leggings. Again no pockets.

My Feb 14th, anniversary of NIU school shooting, mourning outfit. Shirt works with these pants, too short for leggings, but decent with these pants and not too tight. Pants are super cute on me plus a couple pockets. Unfortunately the waistband is maternity, so sometimes it catches SOME shirts and emphasizes that. But not all shirts.

This is a shirt that is just a hair too tight, and then leggings/no pockets/leg warmers issue

Sat all by herself for 10 minutes. Pillow was only for catching, didn't support her. What a big girl.

Show Your Rare - rare disease ribbon diaper cover from a friend. Their denim ribbon is on it for rare genetic diseases. They have Hereditary Spherocytosis - round blood cells - think opposite of Sickle Cell. Carries risk to spleens and livers and immune issues.

This so looked like "sick with stomach bug on the couch" look. She was NOT sick, but this face was too funny. These are her new super baggy pajamas to fit over her overnight cloth diapers.

This FACE!!!