Clothing Issues

Sometimes I wish I had the time and energy and skill and sources to make my own wardrobe. Or to pay someone else to do it. Alas, no good.

All these pictures feature a dirty mirror. Sorry-not-sorry

This outfit is..almost ok. These pants were not flattering, so I cut into capris which was awesome, and lots of comfy pockets. Shirt though, is lightly too tight, it emphasizes belly, which isn't fun postpartum.

So here's my picky picky list of why I hate clothes.

Let's just start with basic overview...

If I didn't jiggle, leak, bounce, or get cold I would be nude all the time. I hate to feel my clothes. If i could have a weightless zero compression garment with appropriate easy access to nurse, use toilet, and get on and off without endless amounts of fasteners, I'd be totally in. But not so much. Either way, supportive clothing, with the exception of my bra because I hate bouncing more than feeling my clothes, is the devil. I don't like to feel squished.

Machine washable isn't a debate, it's a deal breaker.

Loose and baggy to the point where if I try to eat or walk or go up and down stairs or in and out of car and it ends up under my feet, blowing in the wind, trying to get into my plate/mouth, or catching anything in such a way that might put any even light pressure onto my entire neck area - nope. Again, I don't want to feel it, so I can't be wrestling with it.

No high necks because anything touching above my collarbones makes me want to gag. Literallly.

Sleeves can't be compression/skin tight or loose enough to blow in the wind, but can't interfere with raising my arms above my head. There's a reason I stick to mainly tank tops. Because sleeves are so easy to mess up.

Pockets

A total must. And not cute pockets. Pockets that can hold a phone without falling out. And at least two, but preferably 4-6, because I already have a diaper bag, I can't carry a purse, but some things I need on my person, and some things I am picking up after kiddo 1 or 2 has dropped them and we're trying to get out the door, or I need somewhere to put a hanky because someone's nose or mouth or hands always needs to be wiped. So...pockets.

Jeans

They're simply not comfortable. Need I say more? I mean, yeah, stretch denim, because no other option, but it's a thick material and in order to stay up some part has to be tight. So it digs in. And seams are thick. I mean, maybe if I could still find pipe style jeans from the early millennium I could get by on those, but not so much luck. Flare style are my preferred because I feel like they balance out the large butt/small ankle look of mine, but that's still tight in the thighs, and I hate HATE compression feeling clothing. But they can't be loose enough to need to continually hitch up. So, jeans are a working garment usually. Or intentionally going out to LOOK cute, but those fuckers are coming off as soon as I step into the house, just so you know. Assuming I've found any to fit my postpartum self because....

Rise

The rise on all pants has always been a super nuisance to me. I used to love low rise because I have a hilariously short torso (hence why my pregnancies caused belly to get HUGE!), and used to have a tiny waist and huge butt/hip. So anything that didn't sit right at or barely above my hip bones had a flapping problem on top - my waist and hips refused to fit into the same size. However now, I have a belly flap. And I hate it, because it jiggles when I laugh and it bounces when I move and it just needs to sit the fuck still. Low rise pants sit under it mostly, so it flaps over the top of them. That's not acceptable. High rise nearly touches my bra. Less than 2" apart typically. That's also not ok. Not only does it tend to overheat me, but it leads to the top of the pants flapping and pulling at my stomach/chest whenever I sit/stand/chase kids/move at all. And when I sit it causes a fold of skin to appear between the waistband and bra band because they're too damn close together. So mid rise? Well, maybe. Some mid rise on women's clothing sits still an inch or two above my belly button...some juniors mid rise is more like hip huggers, lol. And because the flap all sits pretty low, and my waist is starting to again be pretty small as compared to my rump, I still get some of the top part flapping issue. So...idk. It comes down to individual pairs of pants as to whether a particular rise fits. I can't just guess anymore. Ick.

Material

I need it to be stain resistant (well, at least kinda, as I wash white cloth diapers and get all the stains out, I'm a sort of guru), stretchy to accommodate yoga and chasing kids and dogs, and forgiving enough to disguise some minor lumps. Other needs: preferably doesn't magnet ALL OF THE DOG HAIR from a 3 mile radius to itself, doesn't snag too badly on broken nails, dogs, or toddler toys. Needs to tumble dry, but also look fine after being balled up in a corner for 3 weeks. Not shiny. Not see through. Thick enough that the knees won't tear out after 2 washes or my first tumble on the sidewalk. Because I fall down. Because I'm exhausted and clumsy and distracted.

Length/Climate Issues

Shorts need to not be huge and flapping, or riding up into my crotch and ass, 'nough said. Capris should hit just below the knee, because the ones that hit 3" above my ankles look funny and don't have any advantage over full length pants. Pants should just skim floor barefoot. So that when I go out in the wet with shoes, they don't get soaked, and so I don't walk on the hem and ruin them, but also not the 7/8 or ankle length pants that cause super cold ankles because I live in Illinois. I also like clothes that don't instantly go see through or lose all shape with just a little water on them (100% cotton, I'm talking to you!) I need slightly thinner stuff for the summer/late spring/early fall, and then double layer but not compression or bulky stuff for the rest of the year. I'm cool wearing a hoodie or pretty overshirt with long sleeves over a tank top in the winter though, so long as my pants are comfy, because inevitably with long warmish pants, I'll need to be in just a tank if I'm inside most people's houses because I don't like it to be 80 inside, lol.

Legging issues

Frequently they don't have pockets, and usually the rise is just wrong. If they're loose enough to be comfy they spin at the ankles and sag. If they're tight enough to stay put they are usually compression style and I can't wait to take them off. The comfy ones don't last more than a couple washes, and tend to come in obnoxious prints, and are freezing in the cold weather, oh, or transparent. So I'm sitting here wearing leg warmers because I'm freezing. No joke. Also, with the huge butt/skinny ankles they just aren't a great look for me unless I'm in a super long shirt.

Shirts

So assuming we've found something that is an okay material, the sleeves are okay, and the neckline isn't too high. That's good. But I still have more shirt problems here. First - nursing. I hate rolling the shirt up to nurse a kiddo from the bottom, because the shirt is either touching my throat or sitting on their face - no one is happy. So I need either a loose enough tank that I can pull the strap off my arm, or a low enough/stretchy enough neck I can just pull a boob out the top. Second, shirt can't be too baggy so that it's catching wind or drawers or who-knows-what. I didn't use to mind them being fitted pretty closely (not compression), but now that I have my ever so fun flap, it's hard to get it right. I don't want it to highlight my belly flap, so slightly looser is important to me. And length. Especially if I'm wearing leggings, I want it to at least skim the bottom of my butt, it makes me feel more dressed. And it can't roll up (not usually an issue now that I'm wearing them looser, but was a serious issue before that!) to my waist, or have it falling off my shoulders (remember, loose neckline), or just moving around a bunch so that I'm constantly adjusting it. I really really really don't like to have to think about my clothes. The last two considerations are mostly in regards to tank tops. 1 - arm holes need to be a reasonable size. Now that I'm wearing more like a L or XL sometimes the arm holes are trying to be slightly too big and are showing my bra. OR, current fashion is just bad an intends to have the arm holes flapping low. Not acceptable, due to the rule of not wearing two shirts. So arm holes need to be reasonable. 2 - the strap lines/back/etc needs to generally cover bra straps. I can accept that straps move out and peek, that's one thing, but another current fashion, likely due to the prevalence of the two shirt thing, is to have shirts have straps or a back that isn't even kinda the shape of bras, straps going in seriously weird directions, in wacky patterns, or a back that's pretty much fully lace or missing so that the entirety of the bra strap and/or back band is showing. No thanks.

So this doesn't leave a whole lot of clothes for me currently, because I'm apparently incurably picky and so out of trend that clothes I like aren't really made anymore.

But, here's some outfit pictures of things I've thrown together. Also, leg warmers have been importantly lately, and they also help me like leggings more - the look is more appealing to me, and my legs are cozy. They make me feel like my ankles don't look silly or make my butt look huge. They also make me feel like an amazing dancer (my first visual on leg warmers was the actors/actresses of the musical CATS, so that's what I always think of), and they make me happy. I don't even know if they're trendy right now or not, but with so many cropped pants and living in the Midwest...well, they SHOULD be trendy.

Postpartum Belly @ 5 months, relaxed

Postpartum belly @ 5 months, flexed

Same from the front, relaxed

And flexed, this shows the flap

Outfit is OK, shirt is slightly too tight on belly, but not bad. And I love that these pants aren't tapered to the ankles, so I love that, and they have pockets!

Loose fit maternity dress, it's mostly ok though, except sometimes the breasts get flashed out, and my infamous leg warmers because I have leggings underneath. But, no pockets in this outfit.

Not my favorite. Shirt slightly tighter than I like. It is too tight for leggings, but these aren't leggings. They're jogger sweats, with pockets. I wish they flared out instead of tapering with a cuff, but they're alright. They're baggy enough on top though that they don't show off my cute butt and thighs. But they also don't show off my belly or love handles, so that's nice.

This is a pretty good outfit. The shirt is good, though almost too transparent. Leggings are almost too bright. And a little tight. And no pockets. Plus leg warmers. 

Nice shirt, just flowy enough, but not quite wind catching. Wish it were a hair longer, then there's the leggings/no pockets/leg warmer thing

This is that shirt again, just slightly too short and tight for these leggings. Again no pockets.

My Feb 14th, anniversary of NIU school shooting, mourning outfit. Shirt works with these pants, too short for leggings, but decent with these pants and not too tight. Pants are super cute on me plus a couple pockets. Unfortunately the waistband is maternity, so sometimes it catches SOME shirts and emphasizes that. But not all shirts.

This is a shirt that is just a hair too tight, and then leggings/no pockets/leg warmers issue

Sat all by herself for 10 minutes. Pillow was only for catching, didn't support her. What a big girl.

Show Your Rare - rare disease ribbon diaper cover from a friend. Their denim ribbon is on it for rare genetic diseases. They have Hereditary Spherocytosis - round blood cells - think opposite of Sickle Cell. Carries risk to spleens and livers and immune issues.

This so looked like "sick with stomach bug on the couch" look. She was NOT sick, but this face was too funny. These are her new super baggy pajamas to fit over her overnight cloth diapers.

This FACE!!!

What I Learned About Car Keys

Having two keys is seriously important

Car keys. They've been around forever. If you've bought a car made in the last 10 years (20 years if you buy fancy cars) though, you probably have noticed that they have changed a lot. Instead of just having a metal key they started offering a fob to go with it. Then little tiny chips got added to the key. The fobs got built into the keys.

But it didn't stop there.

Some cars now have laser cut keys. Or electronic fobs only with a push button start. It's gotten crazy.

But I digress. You see, non-simple car keys pose some issues. First of all, they can go bad now. There are batteries in these fancy keys. And if the battery goes dead, you can't start your car. And if you want another key, it's not $3 at Ace Hardware, or even $35. Nope, it's $150, at usually at a dealer.

So let's say, for instance, you buy a car from a family member. They only have one key because the previous owner took off with it. No joke. This is my life. I'm not blaming the family member at all, not their fault. But the keys are expensive, so you decide not to buy another one from the dealer, because you're good at not losing keys.

Fast forward two years. You have a two and a half year old and a new baby. And your husband is now driving that car.

It's a snowy winter. So your husband leaves work a bit early because of a snowstorm, stops at the store after work. Stays home and works from home on Wednesday because of a ton of snow. He plays with the toddler outside in the snow and does a bunch of shoveling. Gets up Thursday to go to work, and has no keys. None at all. After searching the house, as much of the snow piles in the yard as possible, and the garbage, he takes your car to work.

Your first instinct is just to throw money at the problem, but how?

You call locksmiths, but....they charge $150 to come to you, and need YOU to get this special key code from the dealer, and the dealer insists you do this in person. AND they charge $40. AND..you have a toddler and an infant, and don't want to bring them all out multiple times. You miss an appointment because your husband has your car. He asks for a couple days to keep searching. You agree, but...you've already looked everywhere. But, OK. So the weekend goes by. You decide that the only solution is honestly to call a tow truck to pick up the damned automobile to bring it to the dealer in order to fix this.

Legan was so ecstatic to get to see a tow truck. I was super happy that he brought a flatbed and it was snowy so that the car didn't get dragged too far with the transmission in park. Because without keys...it's stuck in park. 

But there's a huge snowstorm going into Monday morning. No joke. So you don't bother calling a tow truck...because they're all out picking up true emergencies out the ditch, and you're just stir crazy. So Tuesday you call, and it takes them 4 hours to get the car picked up. And then the dealer doesn't get to it until late in the day.

Now, all of this WOULDN'T be a problem except you have the rescheduled appointment set up for Thursday. And the car isn't ready to get picked up until 7 pm Tuesday night. There's no way you're getting kids out the door at that time of day. And....a record breaking polar vortex is hitting Tuesday overnight.

(Seriously, I can't make this shit up, can't!!!)

So it hits. It's -25 Wednesday morning. Your husband stays home. The warmest time of day is roughly -16. But you take that moment to use the autostart and seat warmers and several blankets for the kiddos. You bundle everyone up and get into the car and drive to the dealer, and pay them $450 for two new fully programmed keys, and get everyone home and there's plenty of screaming and crying in the car because everyone is hungry and bored. But, you got the car, so that Thursday morning everyone can make it to their important places.

Hooray, home just before sundown on Wednesday.

Thursday morning hits. It's still -25. Windchill is still -45. Neither car will start. No joke. Now you're rescheduling again. And your husband is home from work again. And everyone is stuck in the house again. One of the car batteries is dead from trying to start it. No joke.

You wait until 1 pm. Your friend has dropped off a battery charger. You hook up the dead car and you go over to the probably not dead car. It starts, HOORAY!!!! The dead one fires up pretty quick from the charger too. It's now 3 pm on Thursday. This has been going on since 6:45 am the previous Thursday when originally the keys were discovered to be missing. It's been over a week.

But it's over. And you make it to your appointment on Friday now, and your husband makes it to work. And because you had to reschedule twice you have no sitter so both kids get to come to your appointment, so now everyone has left the house again. But at least that was good.

Also, this isn't a for instance. This is real life, this is exactly what we went through a couple weeks ago.

So what I really want to tell you is, just drive the car to the dealer within two weeks of losing the first key. And pay for that duplicate right away. Because it's $150 to tow the car to the dealer or the locksmith and it's $150 for the locksmith to come to you. And keys just aren't simple anymore. So it's all ridiculous. SO....just replace your keys.

This helps with making sense of this all, or at least experiencing it with laughter. Not only does it taste amazing, but it also has a name you can feel classy saying. "Sir Maple," it's like Sir Elton John, right? My whiskey is a knight?

Happy baby in a basket of soon to be folded diapers

Hanging out in mom's bed, eating mom's teething necklace.

Big Boy Bed Part 3

Part 3: Aftermath

Taking apart his crib!

So after a week of sleeping mostly in his big boy bed, things seem to have settled down. Because our Legan is freaking awesome. 

But we have one slight issue, he's not napping. Now, he's getting the same general amount of sleep per 24 hours as he's going to bed earlier, because we're not crazy. But...he's a devil from 3 pm - 7 pm everyday. Losing his mind, can't stand to be around himself. Can't do anything, and isn't really eating dinner because he's too tired to function.

So after a week of telling him at quiet time that it's quiet time and he doesn't have to sleep...I decided to call it nap time again. 

Per his request, still putting a couple of books on the bed at his feet, but after nursing him laying down, I tuck him in. Hugs and kisses. Turn on his mobile (it only plays for about 5 minutes before winding down as it's a wind up music box style), hold his hand, tell him I love him and goodnight, and then leave. BUT, unlike the other days, between kisses and goodnight, I make a point to say that I would like him to sleep so that he feels better later.

Day 2 of this technique....and 2 naps accomplished, after a week without them. HOORAY!!!

4 Days, 3 naps. Not terrible. Let's see where this goes.

Now he can have his beanbag chair in his room!

Day 14 Well, we're on a rotating schedule. Maybe naps 2-3 days in a row, then skips 2-3 days, and then is too exhausted to function, and goes back to napping for a while, sometimes 4-6 days.

So I think this is just our new normal. Bedtime between 7:15 & 7:30 on no nap days, and between 8:15 & 8:45 for nap days. I think we can handle this. At least he's napping some days, he's learning to accept quiet time nicely. And, we now know that we can schedule things on some days and disregard nap time - because Jade can nap on the go in the carrier - so maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe this makes life a little easier for us to have a bunch of fun, when it's not colder than Mars outside (no joke).

Legan naptime Jade hugs

This is Jade's dog

Spock is a goofball. Fell asleep like that.

Legan was helping me make a cake! And real egg beaters are so much quieter when Jade is napping

She was holding herself up standing up, to eat the drawer

It's been a year since my grandfather passed. This was Legan hugging me during the funeral service

Very serious Legan loving on his mommy last year

Legan now, happy and reading books after nap time

Big Boy Bed Part 2

Part 2: Make the Change

Dresser secured! New sheets on. Doorknob cover purchased. Here we go!

Doorknob cover, check!

Day 1 nap: Hell on wheels. He says he wants to sleep in bed, I try to tuck him in. He flips out. He demands the crib, so I move everything and tuck him in there. Then bed. Then crib. Repeat x 10. I finally put him in the crib and leave the room with him screaming like crazy. After he wakes up his sister 3 times....I get really mad. I yell. This isn't helpful, but I'm freaking done. I scream that I don't care if he sleeps, but he must stop screaming. Ok, so this isn't working...

I take 10 min and go back. He's still sobbing hsyterically. I feel awful. I pick him up and cuddle him while he slowly calms and stops the hiccuping. We curl up on his bed together. We snuggle face to face for a long while. I apologize. I explain that it's quiet time. He doesn't HAVE to nap, but screaming and waking up his sister is not only seriously not fun, but is going to keep him in his room longer and isn't quiet. I explain that he can play quietly if he can't sleep. I put some books on his bed. I tuck him back in. Exit as usual. 

He doesn't sleep, but he does at least stay mostly quiet. 

10 minutes later he opens the door. I put the doorknob cover on. He tries to flip out, I remind him that he can read or play quietly, but screaming isn't going to work. 

I let him out after 45 minutes of being quiet, which is pretty much two hours after the whole mess started. Whatever.

That night we insist that he sleeps in his crib. Not having another fight. 

Day 2 nap. Do normal routine, tuck him in. Leave. Only have to come back 3 times to remind him that he needs to play quietly, not screaming. No sleeping happens, but I let him out 90 minutes later because he's at least been good.

Day 2 bedtime: Do normal routine, tuck him in. He asks for crib, move everything. He asks for bed, tell him this is the last chance to change his mind, we tuck back into bed. Tell him that it's time for bedtime. Within 10 minutes he's silent and out. Sleeps until 4 am, wakes screaming and confused but not all the way awake. Passes back out in 5. Gets up at a reasonable time.

Days 3-5 nap time goes the same: he doesn't sleep but he doesn't scream anymore, plays and talks and sings quietly for 90 minutes. 

Bedtime goes exactly as good as the first time. It's so dark in there at bedtime that I don't think he could read to himself or play if he wanted to. He's not protesting the darkness, so I'm not inclined to change a damn thing.

Ok, so not SO bad really. Let's see how this evolves.

Legan's in bed sleeping, but Jade is up and giggling

Failed nap!

Snuggling with daddy before bedtime

Another failed nap!

Snow day!

Jade reading during Legan's bedtime routine

Still reading