Another Car Key Saga

You would have thought I would have learned the first time. But no. The perfect storm happened again. At least this was a cheap issue - it only cost time, muscles, and dignity.

My mom had been staying with us for a few weeks, and she flew in. So, I had her keep my spare car key in her purse so coming and going was easier on all parties. No big deal at all - it just meant that it wasn't hanging up on my wall.

Then, because my mom is awesome and hasn't had a real break to herself without her mom, or my kids and dogs being all in her space and ears (serious noise and privacy pollution over at this house), I got together with her siblings and my sister and a friend and we rented her an RV and got her money to park it for a almost a week. She got to get out of here and relax alone by herself. Hooray.

So...while she was out doing that, I was working on taking care of some of my own crap. Like, I'm the Maid of Honor in a wedding soon. And, my dress lets my bra hang out. Because the straps are too long. My cheap sewing machine and my mediocre skills are not enough to solve this, so through a series of efforts I managed to call and schedule an appointment with a local (IN TOWN EVEN!) seamstress. She got me on the books right away because it's prom season and she's busy so she wanted dress in and out ASAP. Totally fair. So I get up the next morning, get Jade into a nap schedule that will probably make it OK, get everything together, stuff to amuse the kids for the 10 minutes we'll be there, and put on my spanx under my sweats just to make everything go smoothly while we're there. I pack up the bag with dress and baby things and a water cup (because toddler) and go to start the car, while I put coats and shoes on and plan to grab Jade from her nap and drop her into the car, because we'll only be gone 20 minutes. 

Did I mention it was the coldest day in two weeks? Yeah, it was like 26 degrees. And REALLY windy. And overcast. Just icky out. 

But I can't find my keys. There's not hanging up. They're not on my desk or in my pocket of my jacket or my pants or my sweatshirt from the other day. Haven't had them since I got home from the RV drop off....with two overtired sleeping kiddos. Shit. Check the car, check the basement. Text my husband in case he picked them up and they're in his coat pocket. Check car again. Check house again. Do this 4 more times. Give up. Shit. Call the lovely seamstress. Explain. Ask her if I can come in this evening (don't offer for tomorrow morning, because I might not have keys until my mom gets back into town.....just in case). Nope, she's got all evenings and weekends booked because of proms. Ok...can she wait thirty minutes? Sure. 

So now I'm packing up the kids into the double stroller. Loaded backpack and more water. Did I mention I had spanx on already? Yeah. And it's super cold. I put on a thick sweatshirt, but no coat. Kids going into their stroller bags (they're so warm and nice) and the canopies go up to protect from wind. Also, the location is .1.5 miles away. And my pelvis is not 100%. Either way, I don't want to inconvenience her anymore. Stroller, plus kiddos, plus bag is literally 100 lbs. Wow. And I am doing short jogs between. I'm sweaty. In spanx. And in the cold. 

We get there, I apologize, and it takes more time to get kids out, inside, undressed and then redressed and back into stroller than it does for my entire fitting. But she was gracious and patient. I apologized some more. 

Legan is now cranky because we passed by a park on the way. So I tell him we can can stop for 10 minutes on the way home. We get to the playground and it starts sleeting. I can't make this up. He is dressed warm, but not warm enough for that and he doesn't like sleet either. Back into the stroller, and canopies shift. I'm back to trying to get them back ASAP and not caring that I can't breath and my everything hurts. I'm shuffling with some hint of speed (on the not-uphill parts at least). Get back home. Now we were gone about 90 minutes total. And we're late for lunch and I have to change all my clothes and get stroller into garage because the bags are wet. Now Jade is starving, I'm exhausted and in pain...just etc etc etc etc. Kids at least go down for nap at the same time and I get a short break. Where I have extra comfort food and extra warm socks and the TV with no laundry or blogging. Just dog cuddling. I had wine that night and everything because I figured I needed the calories.

I must have. By the end of the week - I had lost my usual half pound (almost down to pre-baby weight!), so I most not have overdone it.

Kiddos all cozy in their stroller right as it started sleeting

Between bags and canopies they were dry once we got home...I was not

Eric gets home and we have a movie on - it's still sleeting and it's still cold and Legan is bored and I hurt everywhere. My arms and shoulders and back from pushing, and my legs and lungs and pelvic girdle from running/instability. He asks if I've found my keys yet. Lol, I was so pissed off and frustrated, I didn't even look after I got home. I knew the keys were somewhere at home. He found them, in a place I had already checked several times. So, I could have avoided the chaos. But...I had been up since 5 am and wasn't able to use enough brains to find them. I managed. We lived. But sigh.

And so...Easter photos!

Looking cute

I don't know why they were taking this walk, but it was so cute

He was so proud that he skewered the pine cone

Legan dyeing eggs - he was pretty independent about it

Kids sharing a swing at the park

We had a mini photo shoot because it was so nice and she was so cute

Getting ready for the park district Easter Egg Hunt

Getting chicken & fries after the hunt

Easter basket in the morning

Jade really wanted to eat everything

She was really into Easter baskets

Picnic lunch outside, feeding her on a silicone mat

Legan juggling just like daddy

Keep Out the Mushrooms

Let me preface this with I started it a couple of weeks ago when I was really tired and the idea popped into my head at 3 am while nursing and walking with Jade....so...that's the disclaimer. I elected to just write it out because it was great to get the idea out of my head.

I don't love mushrooms. I know they're generally (excepting of course, the deadly ones and the "magic" ones) healthy for you, but I just can't love them.

So I like to think of things I can't change and don't love about my life as mushrooms. Like, toddler temper tantrums or cleaning stuff I have to handle, unpleasant house projects, etc.

The "Jade doesn't believe in mom doing cleaning while she's awake" face.

And then I think of my weeks as chicken, beef, or seafood. That's in rank for how much fun stuff I have planned. Chicken weeks are boring, I have nothing good going on. Beef have some fun stuff, but low key. Maybe I'm visiting people locally, or they're coming over here to visit, but either way kiddos are going to enjoy it. Seafood weeks are rare and they are busy and fun. Think longer trips out, like all day trips to zoos or whatnot. Stuff that doesn't come up often, and is usually a production, even though it's fun. It's exhausting but builds great memories.

Ok, I did say this was all silly, right?

Good.

But my goal is to not ruin perfectly good food with mushrooms.

Like...chicken. Chicken and mushrooms isn't a good idea. Mushrooms dry out the chicken. A lot. Because they're like sponges of flavor, but also juice. So...if you must have mushrooms with chicken, just a few of them and don't leave them in there too long. Boring mundane weeks can't have too many tantrums or too many unpleasant tasks.

And seafood with mushrooms? Well that's like asking for disaster, because dried out seafood is even worse, it turns into rubber, and stealing the light flavor of seafood ends up with not enough flavor to go around at all. So none at all in there. Like, aim to do no deep cleaning or icky house projects on these type of busy fun weeks.

Beef/steak weeks though, well ok. Beef can handle a decent amount of mushrooms because it has extra juice, and plenty of flavor to share. Especially if you've cooked it correctly, so it's extra yummy. So on low key weeks where we have friends and little stuff going on, I'm getting enough other fun stuff done that I can handle scrubbing the deepest part of the tub, defrosting the freezer, deep cleaning the couch, etc.

But beyond this pretty dumb and silly analogy, is the point of trying to measure out fun stuff and boring necessities into easy to manage chunks.

Try not to let any week have too much awful icky stuff, but don't try to get done too much normal stuff on a super exciting week - just coast on by with those good vacations or whatnot with as little mundane crap as you can manage.

Balance. Just TRY to balance even just one small area of your life. Every little bit really does help.

Legan in his new phase - he doesn't want to wear shirts. So get and stay warm please weather!!

We had one nice day that wasn't too windy. this is Jade's first grass experience.

Surveying her kingdom...er...yard

First time in tub all alone

He's now a big kid that wears parent shirts to bed...before taking them off to sleep without a shirt.

Jade's first time in shopping cart. Also, Legan likes to sit in the cart when he's with her

Silly mommy/Jade time

We got to rent Gigi an RV for a short time alone to herself. It was hilariously small.

Legan was intrigued, especially by the weird toilet and the fact that it was in the shower.

He wanted to be a stowaway. 

Handling the Toddler Stomach Bug

Either you get a call/text/see a Facebook post from a friend who you just visited...and you shudder. Or you don't know the origin, but you see the look on the face. 

Here it comes....gastroenteritsis, the "flu" (which is a terrible name as it's totally unrelated to influenza), a stomach bug. Your toddler is going to turn into the saddest geyser ever.

He's never passed out in front of the TV before. Poor guy.

Side note: My sweet baby boy crying "Please I wanna feel better" like 6 times before he pukes everywhere is so heartbreaking.

So here's my short list on how to hopefully survive your worst nightmare. 

1. Catch up on laundry. At the first sign of potential stomach bug, make sure you are 100% entirely caught up on as much laundry as possible. Towels, blankets, kids clothes, etc.
2. Wash your hands. Seriously, wash them. 
3. Bowls, large cups, buckets, trash cans, etc. Put them everywhere, accessible to everyone. 
4. Wash your hands again. 
5. Get some amazing mom skills. In 20 episodes I caught I think 17 of them, his dad caught 2, Gigi 1. I know that if my boy is saying his tummy hurts, and then he starts crying, just pick him up and RUN to the bathroom (or again, whatever closest receptacle. I got so good at predicting them, I knew he was going to before he did. So get some super powers, and stare at the sick kids, especially those too young to get to the bucket themselves.
6. Layer the beds (and/or couches). Waterproof cover, then sheet, then waterproof cover, then sheet, etc. 3 total layers on each bed and preferably couch or crib applicable.
7. Wash your hands. Again.
8. Stock up on pedialyte, gatorade, or breastmilk to make sure you have things to help prevent and/or help solve dehydration
9. Back to the sink - wash those hands.
10. Talk to neighbors, friends, and/or family to DELIVER the above fluids and/or ramen/soup, crackers, and laundry detergent.
11. Do that hand washing thing, again. Lots of soap.
12. Turn on the TV. Find kid's shows that you don't hate too much, and binge them. Have adult shows on standby just in case the kids pass out.
13. When it seems they can't keep anything down, wait an hour after the last episode, then offer small amounts of fluids on a strict timetable. I'm not kidding, literally set a 15 minute timer and allow like 15 mL at a time. If after 3 hours of that everything is OK, up to 30 mL. If there are more episodes, start over. 
14. Those hands? Wash them again.
15. Now's a good time for a good long cry. 
16. Then cry some some more, it's good for you.
17. Wash those hands again.
18. Then run to the toilet, cuz we all know you aren't going to avoid it. Sorry.

Sick daddy being comforted by Spock

Next morning, starting to feel better

Getting them both clean the next day

Feeling better and getting aired out after a long day of play

Chicken hanging out of her mouth. She was the only one who remained unscathed.

Healthy mom and kiddos

Time playing outside

Kiddos conspiring against us. Also, they're freaking adorable in the stroller

Toddlers, Privacy, and Menstrual Cups

CW: It's going to get real here, about real life menstruation

Here's a little more backstory to my ever-so-popular Facebook post.

Got mail with two menstrual cups after my old one died. 

I can't do anything alone. Not that I'm surprised, or generally bothered by it, but it does make some things more exciting or even funny as parents.

He asks me about my every poop, and pee. We get to discuss farts and burps and when mommy is too tired.

The upsides include discussing getting hugs to help feel better, and the downsides include never getting a snack to yourself, because now both kiddos are up my butt all the time demanding anything and everything I have.

I'm also lucky enough to have gotten my menstrual cycle back early after pregnancy, even while breastfeeding exclusively. 

But you know what's really fun with a toddler? Trying to discretely handle your menses.

About 6, 6.5 years ago I jumped off the disposable product bandwagon. 

I've always been super active and therefore gave up on pads very early. They feel like diapers, they literally chafe up my thighs. That and their wonderful ability to let you feel the gush out, and to crumple up at the wrong moment, so they can direct that lovely gush straight off the pad.

So nope to those, except postpartum. Just no.

So I used tampons for many many years. The freedom was pretty cool, ability to swim was good, less leaking, etc. But between not wanting to flush them, but hating dealing with trying to wrap them up and dispose of in the trash, and usually having animals in the house....well, they weren't perfect. Plus they sucked to deal with for the light flow days, because they hurt to pull out on those days. 

Enter, menstrual cups. The most popular known brand in the US is The Diva Cup there's some seriously hilarious reviews there. Basic idea is a little silicone vessel that literally sits inside your vagina below your cervix. It collects the flow, and you dump it out into the toilet, wash it up, and put it back in. It's not exactly that easy, there's some mess, there's a learning curve on selecting the right cup - size, shape, firmness, etc. But, it's definitely my preference. I like that it helps with smell and waste, and pain. I like not having to buy more tampons and I like that it actually holds much more than a tampon. And it stops leaks.

BUT....Legan is fascinated. Like way too much.

So he got the crash course in the female cycle. Mommy bleeds from her vagina every month when there isn't a baby in my belly/uterus. This is the special cup mommy uses to catch the blood so it doesn't make a mess in my clothes. That sort of thing. He loves helping me get a pantyliner out to use too. I use cloth ones, which makes sense to him, wearing cloth diapers and all.

Well, a couple of days after our main discussion, we were out at our new favorite indoor play place. He's running around like a maniac, so much fun. And it's warm and he's sweaty. I ask him if he's thirsty.

And...he runs up to me and lifts my shirt and starts reaching for my pants. I'm lost for a moment. I stop him but I'm just sitting there staring open-mouthed. Luckily I had told the story of explaining menstruation to Legan that morning to my friends. Who were at the play place. My one friend is standing right next to me. She laughs. She nods. She says your CUP.

Oh. OH. Oh my. I had even included in my explanation to him that it was a special cup for catching blood. 

I guess I hadn't specifically stated that we didn't drink out of it originally.

His statement, and I repeat, is "Want mom's cup. Water. Cup in mom's butt, want water, please?"

So I say that now. The cup in mommy's vagina is for catching blood only. We do not drink out of that cup. There's no water in it. Would you like to go get your water cup?

Yeah. My toddler thinks that I store a drinking vessel for his pleasure. Up my ass.

So that's mom life in a nutshell. It's like living with tiny drunk hilarious tantrum throwing college kids. 

The cup in question

The view from my toilet with the culprit

On Gigi's birthday Gigi and Daddy decided that Jade needed some chocolate cake.

She's deciding that bowling just might be fun, and her brother's coat is comfy.

Smiley girl, and tie-dye shoes.

Playing with blankets in the pack and play.

OMG she's so so so big