Don't Tell Me You're Tired

Now I don't want to speak just to the people in "traditional" man/woman relationships and roles, but I think this will apply to basically any two-parent household. Nearly any.

In any household with a young baby, there will be middle of the night (MOTN) wakeups. As I've discovered and discussed at great lengths, some babies are really bad at sleeping overnight, but some are better than others. What this really amounts to though, is someone has to get up with them. Everyone has there own plan and system, but from all the parents I've talked to....and I'm part of SO MANY ONLINE MOMS GROUPS...it's almost always an unequal divide, regardless of how it works.

For our household, it's generally (not exclusively, but almost always) me who gets up with the baby. I did give up my Legan overnight duties at about 28 weeks pregnant with Jade, but he gets up much less often and is much better at putting himself back to sleep afterwards. Jade is up somewhere between 1 & 5 times per night lately, because colds are evil. When she's healthy, it's usually only 2. And when she's healthy, it's frequently up just to feed, and then right back down.

But you see, if one of the parents is breastfeeding baby, then generally that parent is the one getting up, because it's always more fun to get up with a baby than get up to attach yourself to a mindless breast-sucking machine. And there are other factors, like a parent that has a long drive in the morning and isn't good at driving on little/no sleep. Or a higher pressure job. Or a parent that is better at waking a d getting back to sleep. Each family makes their own decisions, but again, the MOTN wakeups are generally unequal.

The important point here is that the parent getting more sleep....should NEVER EVER EVER try to tell the less sleeping parent how tired they are. Ever. Because it's insulting. It feels like the parent with more sleep is basically putting themselves over the other one.

I am the parent who gets less sleep, and it's so demoralizing to here my partner (or honestly any other parent who I know is the "more sleep getting" parent) telling me how they're tired. Because I get less sleep, and I average about ~4 broken up hours of sleep per night most weeks. And so to hear from someone who averages 6.5-7 hours per night, even broken, just feels insulting to here. Like it doesn't matter how much I struggle and feel like the life is all being sucked out of me (sometimes more literally than others depending upon how there's so much nursing going on), because someone else had a rough night or two. It's so hard to here about how hard it is to live on 5.5/6 hours of sleep from someone else when that would describe probably a top 5 night in my last 9 months. Honestly, a top 5 night. And you're telling me that that makes you miserable? LOL!!!!! And kindly screw off. Because it makes me feel like I'm a freaking magician compared to you. Or maybe more like someone who works twice as hard as you and gets half as much credit.

So yeah, I know that you're tired and that you sometimes "help out" by taking the baby who's been up for hours already, but seriously, go complain to someone else about how tired you are. ANYONE ELSE. Just not me, because I can't handle it, I can't listen to someone doing so much better than me in this aspect, so it's infuriating.

Poor people don't want to hear about how rich people can't afford silly luxury items like European vacations when the poor person is draining out their savings just to try to keep a crappy car going so they can get to their job that has no PTO. It just hurts and is frustrating and makes you want to shake them to make them realize how hurtful they're being. It's a privilege thing. You have the privilege of sleeping much more, so stop going on about how rough your sleep is.

Because your partner wants to NOT WANT to scream and cry and yell. Because they're already tired and cranky and if you're wanting to complain that means you're probably being cranky too, and they just aren't well rested enough to be kind and rational. So stop trying to ask them to be MORE than rational and kind, stop asking them to carry YOUR weight in this too. Just leave them be. Give them a hug and some dessert and their drink of choice.

So go vent to someone else, anyone else, because I know you're tired, and that's OK, but you gotta complain to someone else who is on your level, not someone much below you on the sleep hierarchy.

So...please don't tell me you're tired. Because I passed tired months ago.

She's just starting to get up on hands and knees!!! Go big girl go!!

And really starting to actually eat real food. She loves fruit.

Also, this is how I spend some of my spare time. Doing quick and only acceptable repairs on stuff, because putting in the time and effort for full repairs is just too much. This was supposed to be a continuous piece...but there was a hole.

I love that they love each other. He's hugging, she's kissing.

Trying to pull herself up on the table.

It's thinking about getting warm. So he's wearing socks with sandals and a hoodie under a rain jacket, lol. But...we're outside.

Jade had her first real swing session.

  

She's really obsessed with Spock's ears. Really obsessed. We police.

Having fun playing at an indoor play center. We put her in a box

She loves trying to be a big kid.

Got a picture of both of them!!!!

And she's finally sitting up in the bathtub too...it's taken a few weeks past sitting on her own.

Wintertime Blues

Or maybe I should just call it cabin fever. We are so tired of being cooped up. Legan is bouncing off the walls, Jade is just bored of being shifted between 3 rooms. But, between polar vortex cold, drifts of snow that are 4' high, melting snow and freezing rain that make sheets of ice and mud, and wind strong enough to knock kids over (yeah, 70+ mph), we haven't been able to get any of us outside much at all.

So...wtf to do?

She's ready to get us all!

1. Run around the house. Within reason. Not totally nutso of course, but we do have a convenient circle on our main floor. Laps there, with dog and Legan running, and holding Jade.

2. Playdough. Chalk. Paints. Etc. Find messy things for the toddler to do. The messier, the more fun. We love a big bowl of mixed dry beans and rice.

3. Videogames. I mean, he's only 2, so there's not a ton that he's doing, but we're introducing him to some WiiFit games because he enjoys the movement. Also working on other Wii games. Going to try Mario Kart next. Because, we gotta.

4. Judicious use of movies. Not too many, and not usually on videogame days. But sometimes you just gotta give up.

5. Fun food treats. Because anything to bring a smile to the day is good. Whether it's donuts, or hot chocolate or fruit snacks or cake. Just saying....

And mostly, just try to hang in there, and get out there on the nicer days. Not the worst of the worst, but maybe the best of the worst?

Also, a small amount of rumchata in your coffee. Seriously.

Happy St Patricks Day, he was so proud of his tattoos

And his headband

My other little leprechaun

Funny story to wrap up the key story from a few weeks ago, but now that it's been 6 ish weeks, we found the old set finally!

Chunky big girl so proud of herself

She had a green diaper cover for St Patty's Day too. 

Hanging With Mommy Sloth shirt. And all the arm rolls. So many of them.

Had to get out sometime, so we got pizza

The leg on the right is showing how much too long her pajamas are. But that's life when your overnight diaper is so huge that your pajamas have to be sized up.

Tips to Being a Cleaning Monster

So, I'm trying to workout and I'm trying to write and I'm trying to have me time and husband time and cope with dogs that keep having injuries and handle two silly kiddos under the age of three. HOWEVER, I also get the burden of trying to handle the housework. So I put together some tips on finding a way to not get totally overwhelmed and end up in a total disaster, at least all the time.

This is how I feel when I realize I have a lot of messy house to clean up.

Also, this guide is for those that are too cheap or too broke to hire someone. If you can afford to hire someone to come once a week or every other to help him, that's freaking awesome and I'm not going to dig on your for that. But, that's not everyone's life and that's not my life. So, here's for those other people.

1. Rage cleaning. This is very important. When you're frustrated by your kids or your dogs or your husband, channel all that into a cleaning burst. Figure out A - what is the most behind right now and B - what you're not going to break anything while doing it. Have a quick fight and clean the fuck out of that toilet.

2. Burst cleaning. This is just my phrase for "you're a busy parent now so give up on having a huge block of time to clean." So, when you have 5 or 10 minutes here or there knock out what you can. This means keep a small amount of cleaning supplies in each bathroom. Not necessarily everything, but enough for any basic cleaning. For me that means a vinegar solution and a bleach solution and toilet bowl cleaner. So knock out mirror and toilet when you have 5 minutes. Do sink & counter next time. Do the tub/shower when you have 10-15 minutes.

3. Critical levels. Instead of having a planned schedule for doing certain things every so often, it's time to accept that you're busy. So, make sure to do a little when you can, keep major stuff (in this house that means dishes, laundry, and the crumbs immediately under the toddlers chair) handled in small increments everyday, and once those basics are taken care of, fit other stuff in as needed, when it hits critical level. Like, I ignore the bathrooms until they're critically dirty - ring around the tub, mildew, ring in toilet, etc. Then make whatever is at the critical level the thing do to first. And just prioritize it that way.

4. Knowing that you can't necessarily plan a ton of blocks of time constantly to clean, set aside maybe two days a month to be "cleaning days." The whole day doesn't have to be spend cleaning, but make those the major cleaning days. Get your spouse (or a friend if you are single) together, claim a block (depending on your kids and what's at critical level decide if this is while kids are up or while they are asleep) for maybe an hour, and bust out a bunch of crap. Have a list ready, have the music on, and just do it. If you're doing it while kids are awake, have a movie on or whatever works for you guys.

5. Use the kids. Wear the baby or toddler while you vacuum. Have the toddler or older kiddo help a bit. Give them their own broom or vacuum. Have them scrub the toilet, or wipe the mirror. Accept that baby or toddler wearing makes this your cleaning and workout time. Dance and make it playtime and cleaning time. Don't let the kids touch bleach though. Just don't. But use as much natural cleaner as you can so that they can help. Legan loves to clean toilet and counters and tables, and so "help" sweep. Sometimes he wants to help vacuum, sometimes it's too loud.

6. If things are at a critical level and you just can't get your 10 minutes together that day, make sure your partner/friend can take kids for 10 minutes, or drop everything once kids are out for 10 minutes and get it done at the end of the day. But no cleaning marathons at that time of day, just quick bursts and only critical things. Seriously, don't lose a ton of sleep to clean, that's stupid.

7. PUT THE DAMN PHONES DOWN. When we do our block of cleaning days (we have to split the block into 45 minutes while kids are awake and being worn/helping and 30 minutes while they're sleeping to do the other stuff) we put our phones down, together somewhere that neither of us is cleaning, and leave them there until we both agree that we're done with the block. Because no additional distractions are helpful. Just put them down.

8. Take care of basic crap and upkeep AS it happens. For me, that means anything less than a 5 min job, just clean it up as it happens, so it doesn't add to maintainence issues/time. If there's a huge mess under the toddler's chair, grab the vacuum and suck it up in 30 seconds real fast. If when you put leftovers away you dump some on the floor, wipe the counter for 10 seconds. If you get a poop diaper, even if baby is screaming or waiting on a nap, spray that poop into toilet RIGHT NOW rather than let it pile up. If you make a spill, even if it's not a big deal, just deal with it right now, because if the kids can't handle waiting 1-2 minutes, it's already too late to keep them on their schedule. I ignore this rule though, when I'm on my way out the door, unless it's a true disaster. 

And hopefully now you've got some ideas to help you stop from getting overwhelmed and totally overloaded and buried. Once you're buried, you probably need to just hire someone (or beg family/friend) to get you a full day away from kids or a cleaning person to take care of it to get you out from under.

Hang in there guys. One day it'll get done. Until then, keep out the mold and bugs and you're probably doing enough.

Happy naked baby. This requires occasional tub cleaning.

I could clean, but these guys needed a momma

And they needed snuggles

DADDY SNUGGLES means mom can run a vacuum real fast. Or something.

This is a way we can get some stuff done with cranky babies

Babies eating chicken nuggets means more floor cleaning

How does one resist these dudes?!

Baby Sleep - Different but Good?

I'm so afraid to post this. Because I don't want to jinx this. So I'll try not to brag and be brief.

Cozy sleeping girl

But I think Jade is actually a good sleeper, in her own way, which is likely as good as it ever gets for an infant.

For the first two weeks of her life, she was a total sleepaholic, but of course they generally all are. Then for the next couple of months she actually slept decently when I got her down, assuming it was in a reasonable time frame. If she got overtired, it was all over, super short naps.

But getting her down was ridiculous. Sometimes an hour of effort. And rocking didn't work, and snuggling wasn't enough. Pacing, lots of pacing. She likes movement.

As she got older, things got a little better. Usually less time to get her down, and as she could stay awake longer without being overtired.

Then, she found her thumb. This was a step that Legan didn't really make until he was over a year, he didn't learn how to settle himself down. But this girl, she LOVES her thumb.

At first, we would pace until she passed out. Then we would pace, I would stick her thumb in her mouth, and she'd pass out.

Then I would pace and she would find her thumb herself and pass out quickly. Then I thought we took steps backward.

Two things happened, 1 - she would suck her thumb and settle down quickly, but then shake it all off and look around and refuse to lay her head back down, and 2 - she started to wake up repetitively overnight again, a ton. More than she ever had.

And I thought it was all over. I thought that all hope of sleeping for the next year and a half was gone. But no. I had to learn something. My kids are not the same as everyone else's kids and they're not the same as each other. Legan couldn't learn to settle himself down until he was older, so trying to help him fall asleep and stay asleep by himself just didn't work. I thought maybe that meant that there was something wrong with all the methods and ideas and everything behind "sleep training" but now I'm thinking it was just mostly that it just wasn't for us/him. Because I have finally figured out how to help out Jade. I make sure that she's well fed and her diaper is clean. I make sure she's been awake for long enough and that she's rubbed her eyes (or her whole face on me) a few times and whined, so I know she's tired. I pace with her for just a couple of minutes. I make sure she finds her thumb and I snuggle her for those couple minutes. Like 5 or less. And I set her down and walk away. And she grabs her thumb within 10 seconds of me setting her down and is generally out in 5 min or less with almost no noise.

And if she's not, I pick her up, offer boob, she generally refuses, and I repeat the short pacing. And set her back down. I think only once has it not worked that second time. That singular experience, it worked the third time. So I guess it was generally too early to get her asleep that day.

So...it's generally easy.

She takes decent naps and sleeps decently at night, so long as we don't wait until she's been up for way way way way too long before settling her down. Of course, decent changes week to week. She's now usually up only 1-2 times at night. Sometimes that means up at 3 and 5, but sometimes that means midnight and 3, and then starting the day at 5 am. Which results in not much sleep for me. 

It's weird.

Good but weird.

So if things change in a couple of weeks and she gets difficult again, I'll try to remember to follow HER two rules. She wants me to set her down so that she can fall asleep, and make sure that she hasn't been awake for too little or too much time.

Sweet Jade - don't worry, this mommy is going to have to learn a lot from you still.

The only real hurdle is when she's sick. Because then she can't necessarily lay down and sleep, because the snot or coughing stops her from sleeping. And she doesn't want to sleep on you. So....you walk and walk and walk and sit with her on the couch and hope she falls asleep.

Legan playing in the dryer

Big girl is 6 months old, and really silly

She was sick for these, but trying to be happy

Legan wanted his picture taken too. So he stacked up the blocks and lifted the tower. 

"Reading" before bed

Both kiddos playing with the shopping cart, Jade's eating the wheels, but Legan is getting squishmallows down for her to smash

Just a day in the life of mom

Starting to eat food, so she stole my apple

He loved his bucket hat

Super baby!

Legan is sitting here with me and asked me to include this picture of the big slide at the play center. He didn't go down it.

This is such a great dog. Also, he's majestic.