Daily Grind

I'm not really sure why I'm typing this up. I feel like I should. So maybe it's helpful for me just to see it, or maybe it's helpful to someone else or read it. Or maybe I just get it out of my head and it stops asking to be written down.

They loved gyros, apparently

I wanted to just put a quick rundown of my basic routine with kids alone on my average weekday.

6:20 am, Jade wakes me up after probably getting me up 2-4 times the night before. Am tired. Nurse baby
6:30-6:45 Get dressed in clothes I laid out the night before, pee, have 5 min to chat with Eric while he chats with Jade too
6:45-7:30 ish. Go downstairs, get Jade into clean diaper, get my hair brushed. Get water. Try to have Jade entertain herself with toys while I spend a few minutes logging our night sleep, and take a couple to myself to stretch, grunt about tired. Touch base with on a mom forum or check Facebook notifications. Just waiting for Legan to get up
7:30-8 Legan is up. Fight with him for a diaper change, change Jade again, let dogs out, and try to get breakfast on table without stepping on anyone or Jade losing her crap
8-8:45 Eat real quick. Pick Jade's food up off floor a million times. Try to answer Legan's questions quickly and convince him to eat in less than an hour. Frequently, limited success. Then clean up both kiddos.
8:45-9, let them play for a smidge while I empty dishwasher, handwash the couple of things sitting from dinner, fill dishwasher, wipe down counter, table, and high chairs. Finish any coffee or Dr. Pepper of my own so I can brush my teeth. OR, if floors are critically dirty, make sure to vacuum in here.
9-9:25 Kid's teeth and hair get brushed, with only some help from them. Another round of diapers and frequently spraying out a Legan poop. 
9:25-9:45 Shuffle Legan and dogs into basement to play. Get Jade nursed, lay her in bed for nap 1. Lasts 35 min - 2.5 hours, lol. Usually about 90 minutes.
9:45-10:15 ish If I have clean diapers or clothes to put away, or didn't get to dishwasher or dishes earlier, now's the time. 
10:15-11:30 Legan time. Frequently this is when I start wash on a load of diapers. Very occasionally I have to fold a load real quick. If we're inside, play with him for a while in basement, let him play alone some too. If it's nice - GO OUTSIDE AND SCREW FOLDING DIAPERS. If basement floor is super gross, can sneak in vacuuming in basement while Jade naps.
11:30-12:30 Work on making lunch and inevitably Jade waking up in the middle of the process regardless of when I start it. Try to remember to change Legan, then get him seated and eating, change Jade, nurse her, throw her in high chair to pick at food while I scarf stuff down. Legan gets down first once I clean him. He gets 10-20 min to play while I clean up Jade and lunch remnants, plus make sure his room is set for nap-lay out naptime diaper, get white noise on, make sure his special blankie and froggy are in the room.
12:30-1:15 ish. Potentially change and spray out Jade poop. Get Legan changed again. Involves fighting and wrestling. Read 0-2 books depending on timing and amount of crazy that happens with diaper change. Jade joins us for book time. Then Jade and dogs go to basement to hang out while I nurse Legan and tuck him in. Should be out by 1:30, and sleep until 3:30/4. YAY. Get Jade's room set for nap (white noise and such) when I leave his room.
1:30 - 2 or 3. Play with Jade alone time. Right now we're practicing crawling or standing and holding onto stuff. If it's nice out, we can go outside for 30-60 min, or if I need to fold stuff by now, it's a great time. If her first nap was short though, she's usually down for nap 2 right after Legan goes down. That's a great day. If she woke up as lunch was finishing, then I play with her for a while, change her, try to get her entertained by herself so I can have some ALMOST kid-free time usually writing or just perusing Facebook or watching an episode of TV that she mostly ignores. 
2:30-4 Typically pretty alone here because usually both kids are asleep together for an hour. On bad days, Jade wakes up right before Legan goes down, and then is going down as Legan is waking up. Those days are hard.
4-5/5:30 Weird time of day. Eric is probably getting home soon. If cooking needs to be done, I'm rushing to do it while Legan is being obnoxious. Jade is likely waking up in the midst and gets a quick diaper and boob and rides on my back. If it's not a cooking day, we try to all go on a walk/play outside in nice weather. If it's crappy out, and I don't need to cook, I hide while Eric plays with kiddos and dogs. 


Here is where it gets really fun. Here's 2 different options depending upon naps. Sometimes kids are on different bed time schedules, in which case dinner is together and early, but 1 kid gets a long play time while the other kid and parent is starting bedtime. Generally Eric handles Legan (and I just have to nurse him at the end) and I handle Jade. I'm quicker at getting her cleaned up and dressed.

Schedule for bad bad bad nap day

5:30 Dinner. If we don't have time to feed parents now, so be it, Legan gets PB&J and we move on. When he's tired he takes like 30-45 minutes to eat almost nothing, but I have to try.
6:15-6:30 Brief playtime while dinner cleaned up and mom sets out pajamas, gets both rooms ready to receive kiddos, and picks out clothes for kiddos and mom for tomorrow
6:30 Start bedtime routine for 1 or both kiddos, whoever is going to bed early. Teeth brushing, diaper change, pajamas, books, hugs & kisses, then nursing and tucking in. It's the same for either kid, though we skip books if it's just Jade going down. She'll join in books if they're going down at the same time.
7:15 - tired kid or kids in bed. If one kid still up, it's basement playtime with Dad usually, but sometimes mom too.

Schedule for if naps were OK, so bedtime is roughly 8/8:15

Play until dinner
6:15 Dinner chaos!!!! Legan is usually in crazy mode by now. Jade is just kinda cranky in general. I try to nurse her before dinner, but sometimes it's too crazy in the house and she won't. Sometimes eating takes an hour because Legan is trying to talk and play.
6:45-7:30 Bath or play time. Depends on the day. Kiddos bath together. They love that. Or they play for a while with Dad or dogs. When nights start being warmish we'll try to alternate. Bath 1 day, play inside with Dad 1 day, family walk 1 day. Hair brushed after baths.
7:30 Start bedtime, teeth, diapers, pajamas, books. Best case, we do all those together, then I nurse Legan while dad gets a few extra minutes with Jade, and then I nurse Jade and both kids out by 8:15. If Jade gets too fussy, I instead nurse her during books and lay her down right before nursing him. Whomever can't hang goes down first. Hoping that once she's over a year and we can communicate a little better, and nursing is less her way of eating and more for supplemental nutrition and comfort that I can nurse them at the same time, and just have Daddy lay Jade down while I tuck in Legan....but we're not there yet. 

After they are in bed, it's parent clean up time. Make sure dinner was totally cleaned up, fill up and start dishwasher, parent showers, diapers folded and get in a little adult time via video games, board games or TV from like 9-10. Then get ourselves ready for bed, climb in by 10:30/11p. 

Jade wakes up for more feeds at either 11, 3, 5, OR 11, 1:30, 4, 5:30. 

I get not nearly enough sleep, and start over. 

Getting extra cleaning done happens during one of the solo kid play times. Errands mean waking Jade up after 45 minutes from her first nap (or making breakfast happen super fast and push her nap later). OR if she has a short second nap, run errands at 4 pm, and do leftovers for dinner. 

I try to some me time during nap time. Sometimes I have to do appointment scheduling or wool care or extra cleaning duties there. But I try to take time to myself because I'm in danger of losing my mind if I don't.

And it is exhausting, but there are so many hugs and kisses and smiles. But hopefully one day, there will be less naps and so less structured chaos....I think?

Modeling with her Jade bunny

We managed to see the best kite ever during a kite fest on a walk just a quarter mile from our house

The cutest ever duo in the best hats

These are messy fierce kisses

Somedays I even get bigger kid cuddles

She's trying so so hard, and she managed to learn to crawl

baby toes!

She has learned to pull up to her feet

Legan modeling the flowers from the wedding I was just in

White Person's Quick Guide to Racism

This all started because I made a Facebook post....on my personal page, and some people didn't like it or want to hear it.

Here's the post.

"If you don't think women, black people, brown people, Muslim people, the special needs, differently abled, LGBTQ.... people, and other marginalized groups all deserve the same basic rights and truly believe they aren't discriminated against...

You're wrong.

Also, white privilege is a thing. And the people in the marginalized groups are not responsible for educating you.

These things won't be debated on my page. If you disagree, you can block me.

ETA: One last thing. Please note that when you rant about Millennials being entitled or ruining pretty much everything, or about how all people on Medicaid are lazy scammers...that's me you're talking about. So if I seem irritated by these types of remarks - it's because I am. Because it's me, so it IS personal."

Let me preface the rest of this with saying these AREN'T my ideas. I'm paraphrasing so many other people I've read/heard. Mostly black women, some black men, occasionally a white woman, and even more rarely a white man. But don't give me credit for these words or thoughts. I'm just trying to boost the radar if you will, to get the message out further, and, in the case of some people, making the message more believable. So many white people won't believe the message from black people. So many honestly need to hear it from a white person, and quite frankly, I think we need to stop making black people responsible for spreading the truth and educating US, especially since so many of US don't listen to black people when it comes to racism anyway.

So, here it is.

Racism is real. And it's systemic, and it's a serious problem. And it's subtle at times - it's not always some idiot screaming how they won't stand for interracial marriage, or a black manager of a company, etc. Frequently it's just small little things like assuming that the black person isn't a homeowner, or not even noticing that your cutting them in line. Or maybe it's that lighter colored black people who use more "correct" language are trusted more.

Frequently, it's something systemic. More black people live in poorer neighborhoods (because systemically they make less, just like women do), and therefore they go to schools with less funding, with teachers who are paid less and don't have as many resources, therefore are less likely to make it to a trade school or college, and less likely to get a well-paid career, which makes them likely to get stay in a poorer neighborhood, perpetuating the cycle. And YES I KNOW this is true of some white people too. YES. But statistically it's more black people than white people in this situation. And statistically more white people have connections to higher up people who can help them get out of the cycle.

There are so many studies proving this. That being said, I'm not bothering to site all my sources. Because, STATISTICALLY white people are more likely to be reading this, and the point of me writing this is to try to encourage fellow white folks to educate themselves and take the burden of learning and making positive change on themselves. But I will remind you that I've read this in many many many places. 

But the most important lesson I want to impart here is that racism, and sexism, and many other sorts of discrimination, they have a common factor. Ok, probably several. Likely several. The one I'm most familiar with though is victim blaming. It's a common theme with rape (article here), and that crap reminds me of white people arguing with black people that such and so experience "wasn't about race."

Newsflash - if the black person says it's about race, they know better than you - because WHITE people don't have to handle racially charged experiences every single day of their lives. They can be taught that "racism is over" in school, and that it's best to be "colorblind" which just erases their feelings and experiences. 

Now, I don't want to make this about me. But I had a birth trauma. And so many people said "but baby is healthy, so it doesn't matter." That erases my experience. That tells me that my trauma doesn't matter. That tells me that my baby is more important than me, that I don't matter. Furthermore it tells me that when I get abused, I should sit down and shut up and take it for the good of others. And takes away my humanity. I wouldn't wish that experience upon anyone, ever. That being said though, my experience wasn't related to my race, and it doesn't show on my skin. It isn't repeated each and everyday, and it is something I can hide. Black people cannot hide their blackness. They can't escape it. Nor should they want to. 


SO if a black person or other POC (person of color, aka non-white) tells you that something was racist, BELIEVE them. 

If it was you that did the thing, and they're calling YOU out, this DOESN'T MEAN you are a horrible terrible person or that everything you do is racist or even that you MEANT to be hurtful. It means you made a mistake. You need to:

1. Apologize. Literally say something like "I'm sorry, I didn't know/realize _____ was hurtful/harmful/racist." Don't be defensive, this isn't about you, this is about any potential victims. Don't center yourself in it.
2. If it was someone you consider a friend, you CAN ASK something to the affect of "why/how is this harmful" or "have you heard of alternatives to (insert phrase you used here that you didn't realize is racially charged)." Now just because you can doesn't mean you SHOULD every single time. And asking does put some responsibility on them. If they don't want to explain, that's ok, they don't need to. If you DON'T know the person at all or very well, just skip this.
3. Let them know that you care with a statement to the point of "I will make note of this, look for other options, and make a point to change my ways." Don't say this if you don't mean it though. Also make a point to tell other white people (especially those close to you, but honestly anyone you can) that this action or statement is harmful/hurtful/affects people and is racist.
4. Actually follow through on trying to know better, do better, and teach better.

And know, that racism has even bigger ramifications for those with other marginalized status such as female, sexuality/gender, citizenship, mental health concerns, neutro-atypical status (such as being autistic), or having other "disabilities". I use quotations there because I DO NOT like that word, but in my reading on the subject and of the words of those affected, I haven't been able to find a consensus on a right word or whether there is a right word to denote the community of people who find themselves discriminated against that use wheelchairs, scooters, the blind, the deaf, etc as a whole. Therefore I use a word that I believe will be understood, but wanted to make the case that I do not wish to identify a group by a label or word NOT of their choosing. Either way, a black woman, or a black trans woman, or a latinx person in a wheelchair or a deaf Indian person or blind Asian person has difficulties with stereotypes and discrimination of their race and their other statuses - and has to cope with and handle the intersectionalities of their multipli-marginalized status. 

I feel it is my responsibility as a white person to attempt to spread the word and educate other white people and to encourage them to educate themselves. To teach them or at least try to talk them into teaching themselves to check their privilege. No one is trying to shame you for being white or privileged. And having white privilege doesn't mean you have all the privilege. Being poor doesn't take away your white privilege. 

I'm not trying to be self-righteous here. I am not perfect. I screw up. I make mistakes, I do racist things and I benefit from racist systems. I likely was able to have the great second birth I did because I am white. But, knowing is part of the battle. I do my best to note my privilege and use to help others. I try to speak against other's racist comments or actions. I try to educate myself on how to do better and how to spread the word and how to stop from stepping on black people and other people of color. What language to use, and how to make sure the black words are heard. 

So here are a few articles. Because these do matter. Here are some thoughts on what you can do. 
Learn better, know better, do better.

What is White Privilege

Checking Your Privilege

Pushing Back Against Privilege

And now, if you made it all the way through it, some kid photos. 

Spock enjoying warm weather

This is a happy Barley

Silly pooch

Legan helping Daddy mow

Jade helping Daddy mow

Silicone mat as a tray/catch for baby picnics

Legan wanted to check out the rumble seat

Cutest boy ever in self-chosen outfit in messy messy garage

Happy girl in just a regular shirt - no onesie under it, for the first time

Jade started taking apart the floor mat

First hair cut, just had to trim off one matted bit

8 months old!!!

Still two years old, and she thinks he's weird too