Finding Balance: Wellness for the Everyday Struggle: White Person's Quick Guide to Racism

This all started because I made a Facebook post....on my personal page, and some people didn't like it or want to hear it.

Here's the post.

"If you don't think women, black people, brown people, Muslim people, the special needs, differently abled, LGBTQ.... people, and other marginalized groups all deserve the same basic rights and truly believe they aren't discriminated against...

You're wrong.

Also, white privilege is a thing. And the people in the marginalized groups are not responsible for educating you.

These things won't be debated on my page. If you disagree, you can block me.

ETA: One last thing. Please note that when you rant about Millennials being entitled or ruining pretty much everything, or about how all people on Medicaid are lazy scammers...that's me you're talking about. So if I seem irritated by these types of remarks - it's because I am. Because it's me, so it IS personal."

Let me preface the rest of this with saying these AREN'T my ideas. I'm paraphrasing so many other people I've read/heard. Mostly black women, some black men, occasionally a white woman, and even more rarely a white man. But don't give me credit for these words or thoughts. I'm just trying to boost the radar if you will, to get the message out further, and, in the case of some people, making the message more believable. So many white people won't believe the message from black people. So many honestly need to hear it from a white person, and quite frankly, I think we need to stop making black people responsible for spreading the truth and educating US, especially since so many of US don't listen to black people when it comes to racism anyway.

So, here it is.

Racism is real. And it's systemic, and it's a serious problem. And it's subtle at times - it's not always some idiot screaming how they won't stand for interracial marriage, or a black manager of a company, etc. Frequently it's just small little things like assuming that the black person isn't a homeowner, or not even noticing that your cutting them in line. Or maybe it's that lighter colored black people who use more "correct" language are trusted more.

Frequently, it's something systemic. More black people live in poorer neighborhoods (because systemically they make less, just like women do), and therefore they go to schools with less funding, with teachers who are paid less and don't have as many resources, therefore are less likely to make it to a trade school or college, and less likely to get a well-paid career, which makes them likely to get stay in a poorer neighborhood, perpetuating the cycle. And YES I KNOW this is true of some white people too. YES. But statistically it's more black people than white people in this situation. And statistically more white people have connections to higher up people who can help them get out of the cycle.

There are so many studies proving this. That being said, I'm not bothering to site all my sources. Because, STATISTICALLY white people are more likely to be reading this, and the point of me writing this is to try to encourage fellow white folks to educate themselves and take the burden of learning and making positive change on themselves. But I will remind you that I've read this in many many many places.

But the most important lesson I want to impart here is that racism, and sexism, and many other sorts of discrimination, they have a common factor. Ok, probably several. Likely several. The one I'm most familiar with though is victim blaming. It's a common theme with rape (article here), and that crap reminds me of white people arguing with black people that such and so experience "wasn't about race."

Newsflash - if the black person says it's about race, they know better than you - because WHITE people don't have to handle racially charged experiences every single day of their lives. They can be taught that "racism is over" in school, and that it's best to be "colorblind" which just erases their feelings and experiences.

Now, I don't want to make this about me. But I had a birth trauma. And so many people said "but baby is healthy, so it doesn't matter." That erases my experience. That tells me that my trauma doesn't matter. That tells me that my baby is more important than me, that I don't matter. Furthermore it tells me that when I get abused, I should sit down and shut up and take it for the good of others. And takes away my humanity. I wouldn't wish that experience upon anyone, ever. That being said though, my experience wasn't related to my race, and it doesn't show on my skin. It isn't repeated each and everyday, and it is something I can hide. Black people cannot hide their blackness. They can't escape it. Nor should they want to.

SO if a black person or other POC (person of color, aka non-white) tells you that something was racist, BELIEVE them.

If it was you that did the thing, and they're calling YOU out, this DOESN'T MEAN you are a horrible terrible person or that everything you do is racist or even that you MEANT to be hurtful. It means you made a mistake. You need to:

Apologize. Literally say something like "I'm sorry, I didn't know/realize _____ was hurtful/harmful/racist." Don't be defensive, this isn't about you, this is about any potential victims. Don't center yourself in it.
If it was someone you consider a friend, you CAN ASK something to the affect of "why/how is this harmful" or "have you heard of alternatives to (insert phrase you used here that you didn't realize is racially charged)." Now just because you can doesn't mean you SHOULD every single time. And asking does put some responsibility on them. If they don't want to explain, that's ok, they don't need to. If you DON'T know the person at all or very well, just skip this.
Let them know that you care with a statement to the point of "I will make note of this, look for other options, and make a point to change my ways." Don't say this if you don't mean it though. Also make a point to tell other white people (especially those close to you, but honestly anyone you can) that this action or statement is harmful/hurtful/affects people and is racist.
Actually follow through on trying to know better, do better, and teach better.

And know, that racism has even bigger ramifications for those with other marginalized status such as female, sexuality/gender, citizenship, mental health concerns, neutro-atypical status (such as being autistic), or having other "disabilities". I use quotations there because I DO NOT like that word, but in my reading on the subject and of the words of those affected, I haven't been able to find a consensus on a right word or whether there is a right word to denote the community of people who find themselves discriminated against that use wheelchairs, scooters, the blind, the deaf, etc as a whole. Therefore I use a word that I believe will be understood, but wanted to make the case that I do not wish to identify a group by a label or word NOT of their choosing. Either way, a black woman, or a black trans woman, or a latinx person in a wheelchair or a deaf Indian person or blind Asian person has difficulties with stereotypes and discrimination of their race and their other statuses - and has to cope with and handle the intersectionalities of their multipli-marginalized status.

I feel it is my responsibility as a white person to attempt to spread the word and educate other white people and to encourage them to educate themselves. To teach them or at least try to talk them into teaching themselves to check their privilege. No one is trying to shame you for being white or privileged. And having white privilege doesn't mean you have all the privilege. Being poor doesn't take away your white privilege.

I'm not trying to be self-righteous here. I am not perfect. I screw up. I make mistakes, I do racist things and I benefit from racist systems. I likely was able to have the great second birth I did because I am white. But, knowing is part of the battle. I do my best to note my privilege and use to help others. I try to speak against other's racist comments or actions. I try to educate myself on how to do better and how to spread the word and how to stop from stepping on black people and other people of color. What language to use, and how to make sure the black words are heard.

So here are a few articles. Because these do matter. Here are some thoughts on what you can do.
Learn better, know better, do better.