I love the quote, even though I don't really believe in it. Opinions are good, and everyone has a ton of them. Where you start running into issues though is when people try to force you to agree with them, or try to tell you that you're doing it wrong. In fact, I wrote a whole blog post about being mom-shamed and how irritating it is to be told that you're parenting wrong. However, there's another aspect on this one that I want to touch upon.
Hey, he's sleeping, isn't that good enough for you? So I nursed him to sleep, SO FREAKING WHAT?
Countless times I've been told "Don't do (insert lifesaving technique that I NEED), you'll spoil him." Or even "I can see why he cries when you put him down, if all you do is (insert fun thing that makes baby smile here.)" Oh dear, really? Is this necessary? Are you telling me that I can't play with the little monster when he's happy? Are you suggesting that me doing what I have to do to get him to sleep is spoiling him? Well, personally it's my opinion that you can't spoil a baby.
Can children be spoiled? Oh hell yes. Can a tiny infant? Nope. Can an older infant? Potentially, but only a little bit. The thing is, infants NEED constant attention of a variety.
So I shall here introduce the concept of a High Needs Baby. This isn't just me. This is a real life thing. I have no doubt I was a HNB - I was a total disaster until 9 months old-wherein I became a model citizen until roughly 12/13 because hormones are awful things. TL:DR on High Needs? An infant that falls into the upper 10% category of difficult to handle and keep happy regardless of parenting techniques or parental personality.
Gotta keep him entertained even while I'm brushing my teeth.
Hey, so he's eating the shower curtain, but he's allowing me to brush my teeth and/or poop while I can watch him!
Here's how I tend to define the difference between high needs and spoiled.
A spoiled baby continues being unhappy even after you lavish attention on them, because they've learned to keep protesting to get even more rewards. A high needs baby NEEDS a lot of attention to be happy, they don't have the skills or temperament to just be content (yet).
That being said, Legan is generally a super happy dude when people meet him. There's a reason for that. His favorite climate is out and about, surrounded by people in his face talking to him and laughing at/with him. He needs a ridiculous amount of social interaction to be kept happy. Granted, this makes my life easier in some ways - bring him with everywhere and anywhere - no problems with having a social life during the day or seeing friends and family. Other times it's awful - maybe I'm sick, the weather sucks, or we've been on the go for days straight and now I need some downtime at home to recharge - in fact I HATE crowds - and he ends up terribly fussy because he's totally understimulated by just having my face to look at all day. So I'm trying to recharge myself, and as a middling introvert I need that time, and Legan turns it into super stressful because being home RUINS HIS GROOVE. Sigh.
He's finally getting old enough to entertain himself for at least a little while...So he helps "fold" diaper laundry.
So excited when he saw how much there was.
Loves digging his fingers into all the fabric.
Doing the taste test to make sure they're clean and soap free!
I did not intend to end up strictly co-sleeping, or with him only napping in my bed. I don't WANT to have him only nap happily in the car or carrier. But let me tell you, trying to mess with his "necessary" routines as he sees them totally doesn't work.
We even have feeding issues now - he can only stand to nurse with me lying down face to face with him. He nurses great in this position - but it's not real friendly for out and about. But if I try to nurse him any other way he goes to BLOODCURDLING SCREAMS. Or just doesn't eat - which ruins his sleep that night if he holds off on feeding much during the day.
This is how I have accepted nursing sessions when I'm not trying to get him down for a nap or bed.
If I try to put him down to sleep "drowsy but awake" he just screams for hours. So while he's not picky on so many things, it's best for us if we really get into his face and talk to him, and let him sleep with us at night, and that I lay down with him to get him nurse. He will not require nursing to sleep for the rest of his life/childhood. He will move out of our bed when the time is right - he won't be sleeping with us into kindergarten (probably), and definitely not into high school. At some point he'll become a teen boy with his own wants and needs that definitely don't involve sleeping in bed with his totally uncool parents.
Baby jail for safety, but tons of toys to keep him from screaming!
This is such a short time in our lives, especially with him as a baby, that I want to remember it as a happy time. So I bend to his needs, because his little psyche really needs it. Maybe it's because I was a terrible sleeper as an infant, or maybe because I was on my feet and on the go all day most days of pregnancy. Who knows? But me going along with his sensory needs to keep him on an even keel is worth it to me.
My little Legan is an incredibly smart little man, and maybe once his body catches up to his mind, he'll be able to entertain himself better, or maybe he'll be one that roams the neighborhood with all the kids for hours in the summer, and has a huge group of friends in high school and college, and ends up loving living with roommates. Maybe he'll either find another couple to house share with or just end up with a huge family as an adult. Who knows. What I do know right now though is my little guy needs people to interact with to keep him charged up and ready for the day.
So we do it, as much as we can.
Please, everyone, come visit/have us visit with our baby!
Missed two naps by then, but he was in all of his elements: water and company!
My HNB loves to go swimming, so sue me!
And just for fun, here's a humor article about dealing with a HNB.
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