The "whole world" or at least society as I feel it wants me to be paranoid!
Now these right here are actual things said to me....
- Don't be naked in your house near a window anywhere/anytime, because people will stalk you through your windows.
- Don't leave your baby in the car if you have to run back into the house for your wallet
- Don't eat sushi while you're pregnant, you will miscarry
- Don't walk alone at night, or just don't walk alone, you'll get raped.
- Don't let your baby sleep on his tummy, he'll suffocate.
And there have been many many many more.
But honestly, the amount of paranoia and fear we have about some things is ridiculous.
I'm the first person to admit that bad things happen. Typically they're unexpected and couldn't be prevented. Not all of course, but still. When it comes to the safety of my baby, and it's things I can 100% control and plan for, ok. I WILL strap him into his correctly installed carseat, all the time. That's a no-brainer to me. He will not be unsupervised in a pool, or near a pool. Ok, no problem.
But if anyone thinks that they can prevent 100% of freak accidents, they are not only wrong - but they're going to go crazy trying to stop their kids/families from doing ANYTHING.
I hear often not to do X,Y, or Z because my baby is going to be kidnapped, etc. The reality is that kidnappings (from non-family members) are so utterly rare, that it's absurd to worry about them on a daily basis. In fact, according to this article, far far less than 1% of the total number of kids kidnapped by a stranger suffer mortal harm. This is not to say that I want or support my kid being taken, but I'm just mentioning that they things we worry about aren't the true danger. NPR backs me up on this one too.
The top 5 dangers parents imagine,
- Kidnapping
- School snipers
- Terrorists
- Dangerous strangers
- Drugs
and the top 5 injury/death causes...
- Car accidents
- Homicide (usually committed by a person who knows the child, not a stranger)
- Abuse
- Suicide
- Drowning
...are pretty much unrelated. Courtesy of NPR.
So I can't in good conscience freak out about the tops 5. I can (and have, and will continue to) leave my little bug in the car for a minute, strapped into his carseat, while I run inside and grab whatever dumb thing (wallet, keys, diaper bag) that I forgot inside. I will let my little guy meet dogs and people at the park. I won't assume that every single man or woman that watches us in public is out to get him/us because honestly I watch other kids in stores. I'm fascinated and usually enthralled with their world view and play.
I can't be paranoid about him choking on every little thing, or about him contracting some awful disease from touching a door handle, even if it's in a bathroom. He has a healthy immune system, unlike some children/people, so I'm going to let him expose himself in his goofy little toddler fashion to germs. This doesn't mean I'm going to let him chew on toilet seats (intentionally let him that is...), but if he's licking a table in a restaurant, there's likely not much I can do about it.
The biggest reason for this is my own sanity. For me, if I have to be paranoid about any one thing that is statistically unlikely, I will feel obligated to worry about every other thing that is that unlikely. If I worry that he might get kidnapped, I have to worry that we're going to get into an awful car crash every time we leave the house, or we're going to get robbed constantly, or that eating one not-organic apple is going to cause cancer. We don't have the money to eat 100% whole organic foods. I wish we did, but even that wouldn't guarantee freedom from all diseases and/or food-borne illness. You can't guarantee anything like that all the time. If I feel the need to be paranoid about all of these, I'm shortly going to end up living in a bubble in my own home. With nothing fun going on ever. That sounds like a terrible life and an awful childhood for my favorite little monster boy.
So I'm going to make educated decisions based on what I can control and what I know is necessary for safety. No playing with the stove, no riding loose in the car, no eating paint chips. But if I feel it necessary to lock my front door at my house all the time, including when I have guests on their way over, or just when we're all home and awake - mostly it's just going to end up with me needing to hide about 1000 spare keys outside, or regularly breaking into my own house: either way it's a huge expensive hassle.
And now, for Mr. Legan:
So I can't in good conscience freak out about the tops 5. I can (and have, and will continue to) leave my little bug in the car for a minute, strapped into his carseat, while I run inside and grab whatever dumb thing (wallet, keys, diaper bag) that I forgot inside. I will let my little guy meet dogs and people at the park. I won't assume that every single man or woman that watches us in public is out to get him/us because honestly I watch other kids in stores. I'm fascinated and usually enthralled with their world view and play.
I can't be paranoid about him choking on every little thing, or about him contracting some awful disease from touching a door handle, even if it's in a bathroom. He has a healthy immune system, unlike some children/people, so I'm going to let him expose himself in his goofy little toddler fashion to germs. This doesn't mean I'm going to let him chew on toilet seats (intentionally let him that is...), but if he's licking a table in a restaurant, there's likely not much I can do about it.
The biggest reason for this is my own sanity. For me, if I have to be paranoid about any one thing that is statistically unlikely, I will feel obligated to worry about every other thing that is that unlikely. If I worry that he might get kidnapped, I have to worry that we're going to get into an awful car crash every time we leave the house, or we're going to get robbed constantly, or that eating one not-organic apple is going to cause cancer. We don't have the money to eat 100% whole organic foods. I wish we did, but even that wouldn't guarantee freedom from all diseases and/or food-borne illness. You can't guarantee anything like that all the time. If I feel the need to be paranoid about all of these, I'm shortly going to end up living in a bubble in my own home. With nothing fun going on ever. That sounds like a terrible life and an awful childhood for my favorite little monster boy.
So I'm going to make educated decisions based on what I can control and what I know is necessary for safety. No playing with the stove, no riding loose in the car, no eating paint chips. But if I feel it necessary to lock my front door at my house all the time, including when I have guests on their way over, or just when we're all home and awake - mostly it's just going to end up with me needing to hide about 1000 spare keys outside, or regularly breaking into my own house: either way it's a huge expensive hassle.
And now, for Mr. Legan:
Climbed onto the table by himself, so proud!
Was supposed to be napping, instead pulled this off the window.
Very first sucker!
Super girly diaper, and he put a colander on his face....he's weird.
Passed out, and LOOK AT THOSE EYELASHES!
He just wants some alcohol, no big deal....
Pushing his wagon everywhere!
Cool dude in Gigi's sunglasses.
Toddler nursing is so interesting.
We went apple picking and he ate apples. But I love this picture.
Doing so much of this lately - standing unassisted!
Licking the bath mat....that's all.
Just sitting on the car eating a snack mom...
Happy happy dude!
We found a dog who was lost. He loved her. She loved him. Now she's home with her family and I love that.
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