The Dreaded Flap

So many people tell me not to worry, blah blah blah, don't be too hard on yourself, etc, but I'm not. I'm not being dramatic, I'm being realistic. Because I literally turned my entire stomach into a huge web of stretch marks, all the way across it and everywhere, the skin was totally overstretched and the texture is ruined. It cannot snap back. It's tightening up some, but it will never ever be the same. No matter what everyone says. I could become a body builder and get down to 10% body fat (I would never, but it's TECHNICALLY possible), and the skin there would still be ruined. People who lose 50+ lbs know what I mean. When people either make huge lifestyle changes, or have bariatric surgery, or both, nearly all have to have skin removal surgery, because their skin is too stretched out to ever go back. My tummy skin is like that now.

Yeah, not real excited about this.

This means, that between that, and my tight c section scar, I now have the dreaded flap. Sigh.

Not awesome, not the end of the world, but...it is a definite clothing crisis. Nothing really fits anymore. I have pre-pregnancy pants available in 6 or 7 different sizes, and shirts that are maternity or not in XS-XL, but honestly 1 pair of pants, a couple of dresses (because THANK YOU STRETCHY STUFF!) and perhaps 4 or 5 shirts fit. I typically prefer fitted style shirts, because fabric that flaps or is loose and can catch on/rub on body parts or things around me is a huge sensory problem.

Not too bad, wearing my 1 pair of pants

I'm not exactly as small anymore, but I can flex and feel athletic again

Well, now my fitted shirts, even those that are bigger sizes, all roll up over my flap. Which means I'm pulling on them all day. Irritating. The slightly looser fit shirts don't roll up, but they either catch on the skin flap OR flap in the breeze. Irk. Pants are an even bigger issue. My low rise pants, even in larger sizes just emphasize the flap and either are uncomfortable because the flap rests on the outside of them, or are being pushed down by flap and I spend all day yanking them up. I have a few mid rise things, but they are either too big at the waist and gap huge above the flap area, or a bit small in the butt/thighs and consequently fall down. I have maybe 1 pair of high rise pants, that were a gift, and I hate them. 1 - they go up to my bra. No joke. 2 - When I sit down, they try to cut me in half. If they were bigger though, even with the flap, the waist would be too big. Nope nope nope nope. So I'm at a loss. I have 1 pair of yoga pants that are comfortable, they're maternity, but have a half belly panel, and they do flap a little at the waist, but only a tiny tiny bit so far (about those 15 lbs I still need to lose), but keep my skin flap still, which is more comfortable. And they don't fall down all day long.

BUT...they're no longer made, or I would have already bought like 3 more pair. And I'm loathe to spend money on pants that I don't know if will fit, plus don't really have time to try on a bunch of stuff. So....suck suck suck suck. I hate being uncomfortable if I'm already dealing with two cranky kiddos and stuck at home on no sleep. I don't have to be "cute" I just want to be comfortable.

Of large concern (not right now, but come spring) is running. I'm taking the winter off running because I don't yet trust my pelvis, and Jade won't be jogging stroller ready until around May, so I see no reason to deal with runs in the literal freezing cold. BUT, once I do start running again, I'm used to running with only skirt and bra in the warm weather. My flap then will bounce though (seriously, it bounces when I laugh and it's really uncomfortable), and that's not ok. But I'm worried my fitted running shirts will do what my regular fitted tanks do, and just roll up constantly, so that I'm super pissed off yanking them down.

Plus, I'm worried about swim suits. I don't care about people seeing my new "front-butt" really, but it flapping around is not OK, and I can't stand t shirts in water, again with the sensory and clothing pulling on me. One pieces are notoriously impossible for me with my short torso, and high waisted again just fit...wrong. I may try to find a good tankini style, but I'm worried about the top doing that rolling up thing.

A lot of people suggest to me that the solution is a tight tank or camisole underneath all of my shirts. Sigh. I just...can't. I run too warm to be ok with layered shirts. It's 68 inside my house right now and I'm in yoga pants and 1 thin tank top. I'm not cold. I can't do two shirts when it's warm out. Also, I've tried doing this before and the feeling of the two shirts sticking to each other makes me cringe. As does the TWO layers of rolling up shirts.

I feel like I need a personal shopper to take me out and show me what styles I need to look for now, what will fit my new shape without flapping or rolling up.

Or I'm going to end up finding a seamstress to make a dozen pairs of my favorite pants and just having to tuck in all my shirts to them all the time. Or give up and live perpetually in dresses.

Sigh. I love my body and I'm happier to be cosmetically destroyed rather than functionally so. Glad my body works again. But...I want to be comfy and on the cheap.

One simply cannot have too many pictures of adorable babies in pumpkins

My little ROO!

Sometimes you just gotta kill time with filtered selfies